Very superstitious …

Have you ever wondered why a nation that once put a man on the moon now seems to fear science?

That question bothered me, then I had an epiphany. (No, that’s not a surgical procedure done while delivering a baby.)

The answer has been staring us in the face. Americans, well, many conservative Americans, are superstitious.

They wear their magical talismans in plain sight.

They appear to believe that Jesus bling magically makes one a Christian. The more expensive the material it is made from, the better; after all, Jesus would much prefer you spend your money on branding his product than on actually helping those smelly, dirty homeless people. Poor, poor Jesus; after all, his cross was only made of wood.

Likewise, a cheap American flag pin (probably made in China) worn on your lapel miraculously makes you a patriot. It’s a lot easier, cheaper, and safer than actually serving your country in Iraq or Afghanistan. You betcha!

And who can doubt that owning guns makes you a man, and the bigger the caliber or the magazine, the better. Guess they must believe size really does matter. So, if you own an assault rifle (sorry, a “gun,” ’cause obviously it’s really for fun) then you’re ready to run out and defend America from those flaming liberals, gays, Jews (but not Israelis), Negroes, Hispanics, Italians, Catholics, Muslims, and, shudder, Canadians.

So, conservatives, thank you for wearing your voodoo paraphernalia; it tells us so much about you. JOE MARTIN

Fayetteville