All the news that fits
In that one-column space on Page One
IN THIS outfit, the In The News column on the Front Page every day is known as The Indispensable In The News column. The editors across the room make it a daily must-read. Talk about news you need and want to know. All boiled down into one-sentence paragraphs for your morning briefing— names in boldface, of course.
The other day, the first brief featured a runner named Scott Jurek. Who hiked the Appalachian Trail, from Georgia to Maine, all 2,189 miles of it. And was promptly given a ticket by rangers at Maine’s Mount Katahdin for opening a bottle of sparkling wine at the finish line. Public drinking is agin the rules at Baxter State Park. First reaction: Rules are rules. Second reaction: Gosh, that’s harsh. We found an earlier story in Runner’s World about Mr. Jurek and his park ranger buddies. Initially he was also ticketed for littering. Because, it seems, the rangers saw some of the champagne spray fall onto rocks at the mountain’s summit.
Third reaction: Now that’s some serious rules enforcement.
—————— Another item said that Cliff Thomason, who runs an industrial hemp farm up in Oregon, has, oh, about 40 plants left. Out of the 1,000 plants he had. This after a herd of deer got past fencing and ate the crop down to the ground.
Oregon, this is Arkansas calling. We know what you’re going through. Ask us about our purple hull peas. Or lack thereof.
——————
Readers also learned that Mary
Berry of Bardstown, Kentucky, was hit in the shoulder, neck and head after an argument with a fellow barbecue festival contestant. The other contestant now faces charges, police say. The weapon used: a piece of brisket.
Is it a misdemeanor to waste good barbecue? If not, it should be.
—————— Oh, it’s been at least a decade ago. But one morning we were taking a stroll around a central Arkansas neighborhood when a duck walked by.
No, that’s not a Far Side- inspired dream or the beginning of a joke. A duck walked by. When we first noticed Brer Duck, we stopped in the middle of the street—a city street, a busy street— and said hello to the bird. He seemed to nod then went on his way. A mallard, if we remember, and, no, it was not duck season. Nor did he fly off. He just waddled on down the road. Like he owned the neighborhood.
A handful of men had a similar experience up north the other day, which also made In The News.
Sam Seagroves, Kevin Welch and Joe Miller caught a loose emu on the streets of Bow, New Hampshire, on Sunday.
Yes, an emu. That is, a much bigger bird than a duck.
Mr. Seagroves reports bite marks and a clawed foot to the stomach. Which knocked the wind out of him. And, according to the Concord Monitor, his favorite shirt is a mess.
Where did the emu come from? Nobody knows. Or at least nobody who knows is saying. And the offended bird isn’t talking to the authorities.
Our considered editorial opinion: Give us Arkansas ducks anytime. Never has one knocked the wind out of us. They aren’t that rude.