Big bro watches us as we all binge
They see when you’re binge-watching
They know when you’re awake. They know you’ve seen something (like Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl) 365 days in a row.
So get a life for goodness sake! It’s not Santa Claus monitoring your screen-watching habits. It’s the elves at Netflix, which recently released “2017 on Netflix — A Year in Bingeing,” complete with a handy (read: humiliating, at least for that — arghhh! — Pirates zealot) info graphic. Check it out at tinyurl.com/bingenetflix.
According to the report, “the average member watched around 60 movies on Netflix this year.”
Seriously? The average person watches a Netflix movie every six days, meanwhile, I can’t ever seem to find even one I really want to see.
Which is partially my own fault. Recently I rediscovered The Prince of Egypt (the 1998 DreamWorks animated retelling of the Exodus story, complete with the dynamo “When You Believe” duet between Mariah Carey and — sniff! — the late great Whitney Houston). And, holy Moses! Now Netflix thinks I’m 6 years old and keeps suggesting other kiddie films like Zootopia, Homeward Bound and Brother Bear 2.
Besides movies, the report details all the Netflix original shows we watched, dividing them into categories. I’ll share the top three of each:
The Shows We Devoured (or watched more than two hours per day):
1. American Vandal
2. 3 %
3. 13 Reasons Why
Two teen shows were the most binged. Maybe this is less about being engrossed and more about being unemployed?
The Shows We Savored (or watched less than two hours a day):
1. The Crown
2. Big Mouth
3. Neo Yokio
Does the fact that people watch fewer hours per day really mean “savored” or does it really just mean “stale?” Apologies on that first one, Your Royal Highness, Queen Elizabeth; we meant those two animated shows. You rule, of course. Please don’t send us away on a five-month long tour of the Commonwealth like you did with that carousing Prince Philip!
The Shows that Got Us Cheating (or “shamelessly watched ahead of our significant others”)
1. Narcos
2. 13 Reasons Why
3. Stranger Things
The stranger thing here being that Ozark, a show about cheating among other things, was No. 9 and not at the top of the cheating list.
The Shows That Brought Us Together
1. Stranger Things
2. 13 Reasons Why
3. A Series of Unfortunate Events
The unfortunate event here is that 13 Reasons Why, which romances suicide, is at the top of, like, every list, especially this one. (Lower on the list, nostalgia series like Star Trek: Discovery, Gilmore Girls: A Year in the Life and Fuller House.)
Netflix has not limited its tattling on our binges to this report. The streaming service called out its customers on Twitter, for bingeing the 2017 movie A Christmas Prince. (I hadn’t heard of it, so I looked up the IMDB.com description: “When a reporter goes undercover as a tutor to get the inside scoop on a playboy prince, she gets tangled in some royal intrigue and ends up finding love — but will she be able to keep up her lie?”)
@Netflix: “To the 53 people who’ve watched A Christmas Prince every day for the past 18 days: Who hurt you?”
Which makes me want to tweet @HallmarkChannel: “Thank you so much for not sap-shaming.” Right after I watch A Christmas Prince a few dozen times. Reporting, royalty and yuletide romance? Seasonal swoon!
So it seems Netflix is watching us every bit as much as we’re watching it. A Reddit user recently shared that someone from the streaming service emailed him a wellness check when he watched The Office nonstop during a college break “asking if I was OK” because his viewing habits had changed.
“Honestly made me feel better just knowing that someone, even a stranger working at a customer support agency, cared about my mental health,” wrote the user identified only as King_Salamander.
King_Salamander? Wait, is he related to the Christmas Prince?
Flix an email to: jchristman@arkansasonline.com
What’s in a Dame is a weekly report from the woman ’hood.