Open beers in vehicle a bad idea

Hey, Mahatma! Can I have an open can of beer in my car? — Jill

Hey, Jill! What you really meant to ask is may you have an open can of beer. This is a distinction with a difference, because while you can, you may not.

When presented with a question about highway safety, we naturally go to Cpl. Elizabeth Chapman of the Arkansas State Police.

She notes that the open container law underwent some changes in the most recent legislative session in order to comply with federal regulations to define where the unsealed containers would be stored in a vehicle, and language changes.

Changes aside, the law remains fundamentally the same.

Bottom line is thou shalt not possess an open container of alcohol in the driver or passenger seat or anywhere that is readily available to the driver or passenger.

The only open container we can think of that is permissible is an empty peanut can into which a driver or passenger may expectorate a chaw of tobacco. We add this only to gross out our missus, to make sure she actually reads this column.

Naturally, there are exceptions. This is the law. Simplicity is verboten.

An open container may be possessed if it’s outside the passenger compartment, such as in a truck or cargo area.

Or in a locked-up space like a glove compartment or center console.

Or behind the last upright seat or in an area not normally occupied by the driver or passenger, in a vehicle without a trunk.

Or by a passenger — but not the driver— as long as the container is within the living quarters of the motor vehicle or the area of the motor vehicle that is designated for passengers only. The open container may not be readily accessible to the driver of the motor vehicle, and the vehicle must be used primarily for the transportation of persons for compensation, or is a recreational vehicle, motor home, or house trailer.

Yo, Jill, we clear? Stash it in the trunk.

Dear Mahatma: Years ago I was enthralled by the writings of William F. Buckley Jr. I was young and impressionable. To decipher his erudite philosophy, I kept a dictionary next to my chair. Do I discern from your use of “bloviator” that I may again need my Funk and Wagnalls? — Sam

Dear Sam: We have stolen “bloviator” from Paul Greenberg, who swiped it from someone else. A bloviator is one who emits hot gas, usually political. Call it flap and doodle. Balder and dash. Baloney sauce, in fact.

Truth is we like to toss in the occasional funky word to keep readers alert. Even better is to pair a sophisticated word with something colloquial to make a snappy expression:

As in: Obstreperous peckerwood.

We are thinking of John Robert Starr, who once ran the newsroom of this newspaper. Anyone who knew him knows the truth of this description. Bless his heart.

Vanity plate seen around town: THGLIFE.