Rodger Bumpass
DATE, PLACE OF BIRTH: Nov. 20, 1951, Little Rock MY FAVORITE MOVIES: Anything by the Zucker brothers, Airplane!, The Naked Gun, Hot Shots, etc. Also Monty Python’s The Holy Grail and the all-time feel-good movie Platoon.
PEOPLE SAY I LOOK LIKE: Last week’s oatmeal — but I do moisturize.
THE ONE THING YOU WILL ALWAYS FIND IN MY REFRIGERATOR: Mustard — usually ONLY mustard. It always looks like an Andy Warhol art work.
MY FANTASY DINNER PARTY WOULD INCLUDE: BACON! Bacon-wrapped bacon filets with a white wine bacon sauce with bacon nuggets on a sesame seed bacon bun followed by a bacon aperitif. Then we all retire to the library for smoked bacon, Cuban of course.
I DRIVE A: Wondrously beautiful Corvette Stingray convertible. I call it my trophy wife. Certainly less expensive than a real trophy wife.
I ABSOLUTELY WON’T EAT: ONIONS! I hate onions!! Especially those raw, red, stinky monsters! If you put a raw onion in front of me, I will sue your mother for having you!
I GENERALLY WAKE UP AT: The crack of noon — whether I need to or not. It was shocking enough to learn that 11 o’clock came TWICE in one day!
THE LEADING ACTOR IN THE MOVIE ABOUT ME WOULD BE: Duh, ME! As long as I have not yet achieved room temperature, I am not farming that puppy out to anyone. I have done my research and am confident in my skills of portraying me.
BEHIND MY BACK, MY CO-STARS SAY I AM: Now, how the heck can I know this? They’re talking BEHIND MY BACK! I guess they are saying I am faceless, hard to make eye contact with and have a cute rear end — at least that’s what I think they are saying back there. I can’t be sure because… they’re TALKING BEHIND MY BACK!
MY LAST MEAL WOULD INCLUDE: Anything that takes a really long time to cook. It wouldn’t hurt also if we ordered take out and got an extremely incompetent GrubHub driver.
THE ONE WORD TO SUM ME UP: This is a tough one so I will cheat — humor-seeker. All things that pass my way are run through the “How Can This Be Made Funny?” filter. It is a wonderful and I firmly believe therapeutic way of life. Laugh and the world laughs with you. Frown and you get that stupid little wrinkle right between your eyes.