Plan to end nonsense

Warning—sarcasm ahead; proceed with caution, sense of amazement, irony, cynicism, and humor.

I know how to solve all this nonsense over the “wall.” Trump, our most potentatable potentate, must put on his best “MAGA-tron” voice—and we’re talking Twitter feeds, folks—and use his position as the First, True, Supreme Dear Leader of the U.S., First of the Realm, and issue an executive order (read that “imperial decree”). Take cannabis off the Schedule I drug list. Move it to Schedule II or III, whatever it takes to put cannabis on the same level of alcohol.

Just think of the advantages. Instead of billions going to the drug cartels, billions in revenue will be generated by tax, registration, and permit fees that won’t affect any billionaires or corporations. The 1 percent is untouched. Wow. So elegant.

We use “pot revenue” to fund a wall to stop drugs from coming into the U.S. How ironic is that, huh? Plus, with criminal justice reform being passed, there’s gonna be lots of people coming out of the prisons that need jobs. It’s a jobs program. And pot can help fund it. Hey—maybe we can get Halliburton/Kellogg, Brown & Root to build it? Y’all surely remember them, don’t ya? What’s wrong? Too much Kool-Aid? Afghanistan? Iraq? No-bid logistical contracts worth hundreds of billions of our taxpayer money? Yeah, those guys really know how to over-charge and under-perform. Everybody wins.

Man, I shoulda thought of this before. Hey, maybe I should be president? Naw, I’ll just keep investing my money in the Arkansas Annuity Fund—Powerball and Mega Millions. USA, USA! JOEL EASLEY

Scott