An ode to aliens
If you’ll fall for this …
I started watching The X-Files midseason in the first season (it premiered in September 1993). From that moment, I was hooked. No, not because I was an alien nut, but because creator Chris Carter had a way of bringing mystery, the paranormal, skepticism and humor together in an irresistible way.
Making skepticism intelligent and funny is a sure winner for me.
I was reminded of my love for the show by the “Storm Area 51” craze started by California college student Matty Roberts as a joke on Facebook to “see them aliens.” According to CNN, “Roberts said he came up with the idea for the meme page after podcaster Joe Rogan interviewed Area 51 whistleblower Bob Lazar and filmmaker Jeremy Corbell. Lazar claims that he worked with an alien spacecraft while he was employed in one of Area
51’s underground facilities.” Reportedly, more than 2 million people have signed up for the event.
It took The X-Files till its sixth season to make it to Area 51/ Groom Lake at the Nellis Air Force Base complex near Rachel, Nev., though it had faced aliens before and would again. Some of its best episodes had nothing to do with aliens at all (“Humbug,” about murders at a freak show, is still a favorite), but aliens were central to much of the show’s mythology.
While I loved The X-Files, do I believe that aliens are visiting Earth on a regular basis?
Nah. Most aliens would probably think us too much trouble and too little benefit for the effort. Maybe that’s our fault for giving lucrative careers to people like Teen Mom cast members, the Kardashians and various YouTube stars, many of whom play video games on camera. This is entertainment?
The fact that people have fallen for the Area 51 prank scares me a little, especially considering one of the descriptions (by a video-game streamer) of the event, which would rely on large masses of people because “They can’t stop all of us,” was: “If we naruto run, we can move faster than their bullets.”
Not being a manga fan, I had no idea what this meant, but apparently the Naruto character runs with his head forward and arms behind his back … so he’ll run faster, is the apparent theory … uh, yeah. You’ll just look like you’re easily led by Internet pranks.
I have to believe that most people understand it’s a joke. Please. Just give me this. Still, Air Force spokeswoman Laura McAndrews told The Washington Post that officials were aware of the event, planned for Sept. 20, and warned that the facility “is an open training range for the U.S. Air Force, and we would discourage anyone from trying to come into the area where we train American armed forces. The U.S. Air Force always stands ready to protect America and its assets.”
The people who got the joke headed to Twitter (as usual) to share their theories on what would be #FoundAtArea51. I can always count on Twitter for a good laugh at the ridiculous.
Among the guesses were “all the missing Tupperware lids,” from @ bsnfc_. I don’t have any Tupperware, but I can testify that Rubbermaid lids are just as prone to disappear. Thoti-musprime surmised that it would be “the answer to how many licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop”; apparently he doesn’t remember that commercial with the owl. It’s three and a bite.
Iain Wilson, who I swear is not me, thought it might be “my self-control when someone puts chocolate in front of me.” And all those missing single socks (always the socks we like, of course)? “Ahhh, that’s where they all went!” proclaimed Mrs. B. If there’s a cat pawprint sock there, it’s mine. I’ve been looking for that one …
Perhaps the most emphatic/suspicious contributor was @WayneV454, who said of what could be found at Area 51, “Nothing. Because there is nothing to see there. Nothing at all. Now move along.”
Gosh, do you think he’s in with “the man” on this whole cover-up?
Roberts has realized the idea of storming Area 51, joke or not, could prove dangerous, and has proposed an EDM (electronic dance music) festival instead. That may be fine for millennials, but I have a feeling my fellow Gen X-ers would prefer something … oh, I dunno … better. But ya know, it’s out in the desert, and it’s hot, even in September … someone can have my spot.
Other alternatives suggested in lieu of storming a government facility include storming animal shelters in Longview, Texas, and Oklahoma City to take home “aliens” (cats and dogs dressed in alien costumes or tinfoil hats) at the Texas shelter, or pets (some donning tinfoil) to protect you from aliens in Oklahoma. I’m especially fond of the orange alien in Texas.
Another Facebook event suggests storming Loch Ness in Scotland on Sept. 21 because “Nessie can’t hide from us all,” but the Royal National Lifeboat Institution warns that the loch is deep and cold (about 42 degrees F), and the thousands who’ve shown interest could pose challenges to rescue if they all show up.
I have to say, though, that if we have many more days like this past weekend, 42 degrees is going to sound awfully tempting, even if I can’t swim. I’ll bring floaties.