Money summit
How to hold a money summit for your relationship
If you are in a relationship, it’s important to get on the same page about money.
“(It’s) crucial to being happy and having a long-lasting marriage,” says Marie O’Keefe, a financial adviser at Northwestern Mutual.
A whopping 82% of engaged and newly married couples say they feel closer to their mate when they’re in agreement about money, according to a survey by Northwestern Mutual and The Knot. But that same survey found that only 37% of couples actually talk about their finances monthly.
If that sounds like you and your partner, it’s time to schedule a money summit to discuss all things financial.
Here’s how to make it work:
1 Schedule it Don’t spring a major financial conversation on your partner. Instead, schedule it so you both can come to the table prepared mentally and emotionally.
Not every summit needs an hour or even 30 minutes — Marla Mattenson , a relationship expert, has a 15-minute check-in every Friday with her partner.
2 Have an agenda Giving your summit some structure will make it easier to stay on task. Mattenson likes the “rose, bud, thorn, earth” approach.
Start with the stuff that’s going well (the rose). Did you stick to your budget or hit a savings goal? Celebrate that! Next, move onto new things to consider (the bud): Did you just get hit with a big medical bill? Figure out how that fits into your financial plan. Then comes the thorn, when you talk honestly about any challenges getting in the way of your goals. Finally, the earth is the big picture stuff — goals and visions for the future and any steps you need to take to achieve them.
3 Be kind Agree to be honest, kind and judgment-free. And be attentive to any conflict bubbling up. If you’re getting tense or your partner is getting defensive, call a timeout. Acknowledge the tension, defuse it (a hug does wonders, Mattenson says) and get back to your agenda.
“If you get into negative talk, pause and go back to kind words,” Mattenson says. “Remind yourselves that the most important thing is the relationship and that you’re in it together.”
This article was provided to The Associated Press by the personal finance website NerdWallet. Want to suggest a personal finance topic that Quick Fix can address? Email apmoney@ap.org.