Emotions and money
Dealing with the powerful feelings of financial loss
People face all sorts of massive financial disruptions — job loss, divorce, disability and death to name a few. While there is plenty to do when facing financial upheaval, one of the biggest tasks may be dealing with emotions.
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Be realistic People who lose their financial security or a standard of living suffer “ambiguous loss,” where many elements of their lives are the same but a major element is now gone, says financial therapist Edward Coambs.
“You know what’s happened, but it’s not like you get a funeral for it,” says Coambs.
Acknowledge that your grief is legitimate rather than trying to minimize what you’re going through, he said. Also, don’t expect grief to proceed in predictable stages. Psychological research shows that grief is more dynamic than that, and people may feel shifting emotions that can include sadness, despair, confusion, disorientation, fear, anxiety and even relief.
“A lot of the grief around the financial loss is going to feel kind of unexpected,” Coambs says.
The recovery process won’t be quick but you can help by talking it over with someone you trust, says financial therapist Preston Cherry.
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Talk to your kids Processing your emotions can also help avoid upsetting your kids. You’ll want to talk to them in age-appropriate ways about what’s going on.
“Kids will assume inappropriate levels of responsibility for negative outcomes financially,” Coambs says. “Parents can say, ‘Mommy and Daddy are taking responsibility for this. We’re going to try to find the answers. You can come to us with your fears and concerns.’ ”
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Get help If you’re struggling, keep in mind that this is just one phase of your life and that it will pass, Cherry says. But if you’re feeling stuck or isolated, consider professional help.
If you’re employed, your company may provide mental health resources. If money is tight, 211.org may be able to point you to free or low-cost treatment. Depression or anxiety that persists for weeks or months isn’t normal and may need medical treatment. If you don’t have someone to talk to who is empathetic, understanding and nonjudgmental, a therapist could help.
“That’s probably one of the bigger things that I see, is when people don’t have other people to process the grief with or they feel like they’re becoming a burden,” Coambs says. “That’s when professional help can be a big win.”