Methane madness

Guilt-free burgers and shakes down under

THE NEW ZEALAND government has announced a plan to tax farmers for bovine belches. In the words of esteemed scribe Dave Barry, we are not making this up. The government down under and over just a bit, keen to broadcast its climate bona fides, has pledged commitment to full carbon neutrality.

As a result, methane gas from livestock—cows, sheep and such typically found on Kiwi farms— must be reduced 47 percent by 2050. And methane, the AP tells us, is 25 times more potent than carbon dioxide, thus that much more damaging to the environment.

If goals aren’t met, farmers could be taxed directly for gas produced by their livestock. But here’s the thing about New Zealand, or one of the things: Its five million residents of the two-legged variety are vastly outnumbered by those of the four-legged barnyard kind, among them 26 million sheep and 10 million head of cattle.

Local farmers, whose livelihood depends on said critters, aren’t happy. That doesn’t even account for all the people whose livelihood depends on those farmers’ livelihood.

Earlier this year, the Dutch government pulled a similar if more indirect move affecting farmers. It announced mandated emission reductions of 70 percent to 95 percent in places close to nature preserves, which are numerous in Holland and often sit adjacent to, you guessed it, farmland. Many Dutch farmers took to the streets in protest.

New Zealanders took notice. The Associated Press reports that farmers are working with New Zealand scientists to find ways to reduce the emissions without reducing the number of farm animals or eliminating them all together. And research has been turned up to 11.

Scientists believe methane emission can be reduced without harming the livestock, or affecting the quality of meat or milk. Among the possible solutions are vaccines that would produce antibodies to counter the methane microbes produced by the bovine digestive system and genetically modifying the ryegrass and white clover that make up most of the Kiwi livestock diet.

It remains to be seen if farmers will remain cooperative if the research doesn’t produce the intended return on investment. Most climate goals come with a small window, and turning on a dime isn’t in most industries’ DNA.

U.S. Climate Envoy (capital C and E) John Kerry met with his counterpart from Communist China last week— we await the imminent environmental about-face from the Party—and the UN is closer to establishing an international reparations fund into which carbon sinners would be expected to pay for fossil-fuel transgressions.

How much would be charged to gassy cows is still . . . up in the air.