Talkmistress gets hooked by Hallmark
Confession here. Big, big and I mean B I G confession.
After years of poking gentle (well, maybe sometimes not-sogentle) fun at Hallmark Christmas movies, I … well … watched one during Thanksgiving week. And enjoyed the dang thing. The past column digs at Hallmark weren’t just my making jokes. Heretofore, this fan of that classic flick “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” has always genuinely looked down my nose at Hallmark fare.
In my defense, Thanksgiving is one of those holidays on/near which we’re all subject to doing things we don’t usually do — from eating food we at least try to refrain from eating on a regular basis to rubbing elbows with relatives we may not normally choose to hang out with. Snazzy dressers may let their standards slip and allow themselves to look more like “The Odd Couple’s” Oscar than Felix.
Along with Hubby, I spent Thanksgiving week with Dear, my mother-in-love, in Lafayette, La. As is tradition, a lot of the entertainment was provided by the telly. The movie that sucked me in? “Three Wise Men and a Baby,” which, according to at least one online source, was one that apparently sucked in quite a few.
“Hallmark’s ‘Three Wise Men and a Baby’ Becomes the Most Watched TV Movie on Cable in 2022,” trumpets Variety magazine in the headline of a recent story.
Maybe it was, as the story indicates, the fact that the plot is something other than a treacly romance that involves opposites attracting, a sophisticate going back to his/ her hokey hometown, or someone saving the town/family something-or-other.
“Changing things up is working for Hallmark Channel, as their ‘Three Wise Men and a Baby’ has become the most-watched cable TV movie of the year,” writer Emily Longeretta reveals. “The movie, which debuted on … Nov. 19 and stars Hallmark’s beloved actors Andrew Walker, Tyler Hynes and Paul Campbell, averaged 3.6 million total viewers … [The film] shifted format from the usual holiday movie; rather than focusing on a romance, the plot followed three brothers as they hilariously struggled when they were forced to care for a mystery baby ahead of Christmas.”
The baby is left at the fire station — at which the first-responder brother works — along with a note asking that brother to look after the handsome young lad for
a short time.
The idea for the movie was doubtless stol- … er, borrowed from the 1987 film “Three Men and a Baby,” starring Tom Selleck, Steve Guttenberg and Ted Danson … a trio of single guys also dealing with a baby. (That movie was based on a 1985 French movie, according to another online source that points out that “Three Men and a Baby” was popular too, going on to be 1987’s biggest American box-office draw and winning a 1988 People’s Choice Award.
“Three Wise Men’s” plot is still about as thin as sweatshop-made clubwear. But I found myself drawn in by the fairly clever wisecracks between the brothers, each man’s attempt to care for the baby (one gets it right); and the sibling rivalry, good-natured for the most part but including a more serious outburst by one sibling. Everything of course works out by the movie’s end, which of course includes the appearance of the baby’s mom. (Spoiler alert: “Three Wise Men” does sneak in some romance for each brother.)
I loved the movie. Even more shocking, Dre, whose film watching tastes don’t stray far from a select collection of revenge, disaster and Black-themed movies, loved it.
In a way, though, “Three Wise Men’s” popularity makes us fans look hopelessly old-fashioned. It’s the 2020s and, as we’ve seen in many a TV commercial and social-media video as well as in real life, men are quite capable of properly caring for babies. The image of the clueless male baby-minder should no longer make for comedic entertainment; we should be past this.
But we’re all suckers for cute babies, period. And we’re also suckers for timeless fishout-of-water scenarios, especially ones that specifically involve sophisticates and young-men-about-town being forced to deal with matters in the realm of family and consumer sciences.
In summary: Hallmark followed a well-worn path with “Three Wise Men,” but it was a change for the company. Therein, they got me.
Judging from the Variety story, other Hallmark movies are reflecting the company’s new dedication to diversity … one explores Chinese American traditions; another involves Kwanzaa; yet another is an actual faith-based movie under Hallmark’s Day-Spring brand. There’s even an LGBT romance.
Which means I may, as the Grinch did with Christmas, have to reassess my whole outlook on Hallmark Christmas movies.
But first, let me scan the TV guides and see when “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” comes on.