Fatherhood about quality, not age, number

This column was originally due to run on Father’s Day, but was held due to lack of space. Being the Talkmistress, I have declared June to be Father’s Month for the express purpose of presenting my thoughts on fatherhood a week late.

My main thought: Begetting children doesn’t make a man a father.

I thought that was something we’d have learned by now. But lately, all we seem to see in Celebrity News is the huge-and-growing number of children certain celebrities have fathered by a multitude of women, or how celebrity men well past the age of AARP eligibility have had babies with their much younger, fertile girlfriends.

Which may be grounds for some good jokes — “Nick Cannon’s Father’s Day wishes probably outnumbered robocalls,” “Robert De Niro and Al Pacino: having their baby showers at the Old Folks’ Home!”

Cannon, 42, has a child count that’s now at 12, two of whom he had with ex-wife Mariah Carey. I won’t get into the other baby mamas; I’m sure there’s a chart somewhere if you care to look. De Niro, who turns 80 next month, now reportedly has seven children by four different women who were wives and girlfriends. Pacino, who turned 83 this spring, has three older children; he has never been to the altar.

I’m not saying these guys haven’t been/won’t be good fathers. And I’m aware that it’s the fellow members of my chosen profession gleefully passing along this news about ol’ Nick, Bob and Al. None of these guys has put out news releases saying, “Hey, I got somebody pregnant (again); look at what a stud I am” (though they might be thinking it). Nor — as we know all too well — are celebrity men the only men who have run around having more babies with more women than they can keep up with. I won’t even get into a commentary on that; there’s not enough space. I do, however, wonder if Cannon can rattle off the names of all his children, or call them by their correct names on sight, without consulting a cheat sheet.

I’m saying that fathers should be celebrated for being good fathers, not for spreading their seed far and wide or having babies with granddaughter-age girlfriends.

So, on this Sunday after Father’s Day, I give kudos to the dads who invest time into their children — daughters as well as sons — no matter how many children Dad has or how much older Dad may be.

I laud the fathers who value spending time with their children over making enough money to take care of their children.

I give kudos to those dads who show themselves to be strong dads without restricting themselves to the old, traditional fatherhood stereotypes. God bless the fathers we see in the grocery store or in the park, pushing baby strollers, toting baby carriers, and/or with child or

two trailing them … and unaccompanied by Mom, who’s busy with other things (or, ideally, resting somewhere).

I give props to the dads who get up early and get their children ready for school; who comb, brush and style their daughters’ hair as well as cutting their sons’ hair (especially those dads who can cut without using a bowl or a Flowbee).

I give props to the fathers who instill good values in their children in general and, in particular, sit down and tell their children the full story of the birds and the bees, emphasizing the importance of the responsibilities that come with sex.

I give praise to the dads who love all their children equally, while dealing with each child according to that child’s particular personality and needs.

I give my utmost respect to the dads who are positive examples of the men their daughters should want to marry.

I appreciate the fathers who step back and give their children space, allowing them to take whatever career paths those children wish to take. And the dads who are there for advice and encouragement for their adult children.

I give my compliments to the auxiliary/ancillary fathers … the grandfathers who spend time with, and in some cases are raising, their children’s children. The stepfathers who willingly stepped in and took responsibility for other men’s children. The male teachers, the coaches, the clergy members and the Scout leaders who — rather than being part of the headlines we’ve seen about predatory men in these positions — have served as positive role models and done exemplary jobs in helping to shape and mold our young people.

Such fathers, of course, are far from perfect. (Would we want “perfect” anyway? We’ve seen enough Lifetime Channel-type movies advertised with the words, “She thought she found the perfect man … ” But they get it that true fatherhood is far more than hotness and virility.

True fatherhood is also worthy of being celebrated for more than one day a year.

Or one month a year, for that matter.