Overwhelmed with writing your vows? A pro could help

The 200 guests at Rachel Mumford’s backyard wedding in Malibu, Calif., were suddenly on their feet, clapping, giving her an unexpected ovation. Forty-eight hours earlier, she probably wouldn’t have felt as calm or confident.

The handwritten pages of vows she had in her relaxed grip were now a “structured, organized, funny, intimate and condensed version of our love story,” said Mumford, 53, who married Brandon Coxton at their home on July 3, 2022. “I wanted my vows to be real, personal and intimate.”

She managed to check off all three boxes after hiring Brian Franklin, a founder of Vows & Speeches, a writing service for wedding participants that he started with his wife, Nicole Franklin, in 2021.

It is a niche service, he said, that has long been lacking in the wedding industry. “This is part of the wedding that has not traditionally gotten professional guidance,” Brian Franklin said. “Putting your whole relationship into one to two minutes to say how you feel is not an easy task.”

Mumford, who is a founder of Barry’s, a boutique fitness chain, would agree. She procrastinated in writing her vows, then panicked. “I have great ideas and passion, but I’m not a writer,” she said. “Brian has a comic ability. He knows where to find funny moments.”

After hiring the writing service, she said, “I felt prepared — not alone — and confident.”

It’s no secret that weddings are expensive. For those who are able to afford another component, a speechwriter could be an option. Below, three professionals share their writing processes, unique styles and advice for those who hope to write their own. Each also offers delivery coaching via Zoom.

THE THERAPIST

Tanya Pushkine calls herself the Vow Whisperer. Based in New York, she works one on one with couples to create a four-minute, 500-word speech.

“Couples have too much to say and don’t know how to write from their heart,” said Pushkine, who has shaped more than 300 vows over the past four years.

To start, she sends couples a questionnaire of 25 “deep, self-reflective questions” including: When did you know for sure that your partner was the one? How has this partner made you a better person?

The answers become the beginning and body of the speech. For the end, she focuses on the future: “I ask, ‘What kind of life will you have together? How will the other person help shape your growth?’ And, ‘What does each person promise the other?’ Those answers encapsulate why you’re standing there.”

Once Pushkine receives the answers, and after several edits, she creates the final 500- to 700-word speech.

Couples’ speeches are also tailored to complement each other — a needed step, as sometimes only one person opts for her service. “The goal is to establish a vibe, so there’s a balance,” she said. “If one is a comedian and the other is not, we might have to rework the speech. I have to work with both personalities.” Pushkine also officiates and does ceremony production; she is ordained by the Universal Life Church and American Marriage Ministries.

Advice: “Be vulnerable, emotional, and trust yourself. The more vulnerable you are, the more beautiful the speech will be.”

THE HUMORIST

Franklin of Vows & Speeches asks at least 50 questions because he “loves to hear even the most minute details,” he said. During a 60-minute follow-up phone conversation that he arranges with clients, he might ask even more. Like Pushkine, he revises and shares drafts over email until everyone is pleased.

“Details tell the story — finding out one person collects sneakers, or another knew his fiancée loved Ariana Grande and took her to a show and learned all the lyrics beforehand are gems and define a person in a dimensional way,” he said. “People forget to tell those stories unless they’re asked. Those nongeneric stories draw the attention of the audience.”

A bad speech, he added, can lead to dangerous moments at a wedding. “If it’s off-color, inappropriate, boring or too long, it sucks the energy out of the wedding as food gets cold,” he said.

Social media, Franklin said, has helped increase demand in the vow-writing industry. “Vows have gone viral and there’s greater attention to the moments that go wrong,” he said. “There is more pressure to get it right to avoid disaster stories.”

Over the past two years, Franklin, who lives in Los Angeles with his wife and business partner, previously worked as a political consultant and communications strategist. During the pandemic, he shifted his focus to speech writing, mostly for weddings, working with couples, their parents and attendants. Fees vary from $400 for one partner, $600 for both partners and $500 for other wedding party members.

Advice: “People have a reading voice that’s different from a speaking one. I tell everyone, ‘Push louder and more enthusiastically on humor, and drop your voice down and softer on the sweeter lines.’”

THE AI SPECIALIST

In 2014, Jen Glantz placed an ad on Craigslist offering to pose as an attendant at strangers’ weddings. It went viral. Then she created Bridesmaid for Hire, a company that provides a bevy of attendant services and support. Soon after, she started receiving requests to write their speeches.

“Maid of honor speeches have gotten more elaborate,” said Glantz, who lives in New York. “People go on TikTok and see these crazy speeches and think, ‘I want that, but I don’t know how to do it.”

She recommends keeping remarks at 800 words, depending on one’s speaking pace. “It’s an important element because it’s the most memorable,” she said of speeches. “It’s supposed to be a gift to the couple.”

Creating an attendant speech, which runs $375, typically involves multiple calls and rounds of edits, said Glantz, who also transcribes her conversations with couples. The overall process can take four to five hours.

For those on a tighter budget, she uses a speech generator, an artificial technology program she helped create that replicates her customized service in minutes and creates speeches that cost $35.

Before she started using the program in September, she could write only up to seven speeches per month. In October, her program wrote 50 for her clientele. This month, Glantz plans to expand her business to include brides, grooms and other attendants.

The program offers a variety of lengths and tones through a drop-down menu.

Advice: “Pull out the heartbeat behind the relationship you have with the person. Specific stories and details and nostalgic old memories that create a lingering effect work best.”