Birthdays a time for gratitude

For the Talkmistress, birthdays can bring on mixed feelings.

I’m what I call publicly popular. The nature of my job has brought with it all these social media friends, scores of whom give me some kind of happy-birthday wish when the Big Day comes around.

My Big Day — I turned 62 — was Feb. 17. The wishes came first via Messenger, as I don’t allow friends to post willy-nilly to my Facebook wall. When I posted a photo and comment about my birthday, the responding wishes came cascading like Niagara Falls’ mama. And, as always, quite a few additional wishes came sliding in via messages on LinkedIn, the social-media site for professionals.

Actually, my Facebook newsfeed is dominated by friends’ birthday posts. If we Facebookers list our birthday on our profile, Facebook makes sure to blab to our friends when it comes around. And it seems we spend most of our posting energies either making references to our own birthdays, or advertising those of our spouse/parent/child/grandchild/ BFF.

The mixed-feelings part: It’s nice to get such wishes, especially when they come with compliments such as “Happy birthday, Beautiful” or “Happy birthday, Queen!” On the other hand, such wishes can sometimes bring on a feeling of bummedness, however brief, because:

■ You know you’d never be able to get most of these folks to catch a movie or share a round of, well, Kool-Aid with you at the local restaurant/pub.

■ You’re not the type that attracts surprise birthday parties … and you’re too chicken to plan one for yourself, for fear that nobody would show up. (Yes, I’m STILL smarting a bit from that 2005, post-out-of-state-wedding reception in Little Rock that drew only 11 guests.)

■ You’re wondering how relieved these folks are that simply wishing you a happy birthday is such a quick and easy thing to do. (Hey, at least I don’t complain about getting “dry” birthday cards. A “dry card” was my late hairdresser’s cynical term for birthday cards with no money enclosed.)

Regarding the third aforementioned point, I remind myself that wishing someone a happy birthday via social media isn’t such a quick and easy thing for those with a lot of social-media friends. Nor is thanking the wishers for their wishes. We thought writing thank-you notes was a chore … Ha. Thanking literally hundreds of people who wished you a happy

birthday online is comparable to scrawling out those notes of gratitude that many a bride or graduate or birthday party subject has to create for actual gifts received. At least online thank-you notes can be shorter and don’t require money to spend on the notes themselves and the stamps to send them.

On Facebook, I did what many birthday wish-ees do … hit the Love button in response to each wish, then posted an umbrella note a couple of days later, thanking everyone and expressing a wish that I was actually as slender as my Facebook avatar. (Being constantly bombarded with social-media birthday notifications and posts, I can’t be the only one who lets herself off the wish-giving hook when the highlighted celebrant is, say, a friend’s best friend’s brother’s dog. Again, giving and acknowledging receipt of online birthday wishes can be work.)

But the fundamental problem with birthdays is that we, as a society, tend to look upon them as occasions during which we should receive something. My ex-coworker Cici would probably still be quick to laughingly tattle on me for, ugh, actually getting mad at work when nobody acknowledged my birthday in my much-younger years.

To heck with receiving: Birthdays, especially in a time when loss of life can be so sudden and so tragic, should be opportunities to express gratitude for the sheer privilege of waking up to see them. I appreciate — and, as long as God lets me remain on this earth, to strive to emulate — those who see birthdays as a time to give.

■ Like Earlene, my ex-coworker and erstwhile Queen of the Democrat-Gazette newsroom, who celebrated her birthday (or was it her work anniversary?) by taking her own money, resources and energy and serving delicious newsroom plate lunches.

■ Like Hubby, who made a tradition of calling his mother on her birthday and thanking her for giving him life. (My own mother has gone to be with the Lord, so I guess I’ll call my mother-in-love on Dre’s birthday and add my thanks.)

■ Like those who celebrate their birthdays by way of online fundraising campaigns for good causes, asking friends to donate in their honor.

But meanwhile — as I posted on Facebook — I’ll celebrate being a step closer to those “good” senior discounts.