Geriatrics in charge

I am a funny person. Always have been. Let me aim my humor at politics. Joe Biden spends an inordinate amount of time trying to prove that he is much younger than his actual age.

Word has it that this year will be much different when he accepts his party’s nomination. This time he won’t be able to sprint out on stage to show everyone what a youthful body he has. I’m told that he will be driving a hopped-up motorized wheelchair. When he is introduced, he plans on laying rubber as he storms out on the stage, popping wheelies with two Playboy bunnies in the side car.

At this point he takes off his Hell’s Angels jacket, approaches the podium and says, “Let’s see old man Trump match that. I’m still as vigorous as I’ve ever been. Crazy Donny says I’m too old to be president. Isn’t that kind of like Charlie Manson telling Jeffrey Dahmer to stop murdering people because he’s giving serial killers a bad reputation?”

Whichever is elected, it will be the first time a head of state will carry around with him a box of Depends, a spare set of dentures and some Carter’s Little Liver Pills. Some of his aides say Donald Trump asks himself questions and answers them in the same breath.

Trump calls Biden Geriatric Joe. Biden has nicknamed Trump Demented Donald. Here’s the question that every voter should be asking themselves: Which is better, a president clanging his tin cup on the bars of his cell while yelling, “When are we going to get some chow around here?” or the commander in chief pleading, “When are you guys gonna let me out of this nursing home?”

GARY USELTON Benton