CAROLYN HAX

DEAR CAROLYN: I adore my older sister, but she is married to someone who was inappropriate to me from when I was 13 through my early 20s. Nothing he could get arrested for — he would “accidentally” touch my rear end or chest.

These days I manage to be civil and sometimes fairly friendly — he was raised very badly, and I can see he isn’t all bad.

Problem: I have kids now, and my sister wants them to spend the night with their favorite aunt. I just can’t see ever allowing that, but I don’t know how much longer I can make excuses.

My sister made excuses back then, and it immediately was a non-topic. And she is absolutely one who would cut me off forever if I just said, “Hey, Hubby isn’t someone I have good memories of, so no thanks.”

I can’t imagine I’m overreacting, or am I?

— Mama Bear

I’ll take your word for it that he didn’t cross over from creepy to criminal; I do feel, though, like an accessory after the fact.

Your sister is one, if it’s true she “would cut me off forever.”

It also leaves you these unappealing choices:

(1) Let your kids stay in this man’s house overnight. Not acceptable.

(2) Say no and say why, damaging your relationship with your sister. Maybe you’re wrong about how she’d respond.

(3) Continuing with the excuses and hoping she won’t call you on it.

Every choice costs you something, but No. 3 costs the least and buys you time to summon your resolve.