CAROLYN HAX

DEAR CAROLYN: You know how you shouldn’t jump into a serious relationship quickly? Is it possible to jump out of one too quickly?

Two months before our wedding, my ex told me he “couldn’t do this”

and wasn’t sure if he ever wanted to. I had two or three discussions with him over a couple of weeks, then left after the third or fourth one because I saw no point.

I blocked him on all avenues of communication.

We’d been together for three years, and he did act the part of a loving boyfriend. That’s why I had many friends and family tell me I gave up too soon.

After his confession, I saw nothing but mixed messages and physical disgust at the prospect of marrying me. You can’t fix that, right?

— Jumping Into a Breakup

Of course it’s possible to jump out too quickly.

That’s not to say you did; if you reached a point where you couldn’t see anything that would ever make you want to commit to this person again, then you did the right thing.

If you had asked for my advice during this process, though, I would have advised against blocking all communication from him. When people end a significant relationship, they don’t adjust to the new state of things immediately. It takes

time. You didn’t leave after the first conversation, but after you’d had sufficient time and discussion to grasp what was happening.

You denied him that same time to adjust, though. This communication after the fact is often excruciating, but I think — absent abuse — it’s important.

This period doesn’t have to be indefinite. It’s simply a kindness to remain available to answer lingering questions or hear someone out.