Twitter gives haters more space to spew

Twitter, the premiere online timewasting service for America's swamp culture, has made a change that should redefine the way we insult random strangers on the Internet.

The 140-character limit of a tweet is no more, and, as of Tuesday, users have a bountiful 280 characters at their disposal. The social media giant's decision irked those who loved Twitter's signature brevity and delighted those perpetually inclined to say more than is necessary.

In a company blog post, Twitter noted that a test run of the 280-character limit showed that most still kept their tweets below 140 characters, but something tells me that trend won't hold.

As a longtime user who has sent approximately 18,456,932 tweets while occasionally forgetting I have a job and a family, I'm delighted to have more word room.

For too long, I've been forced to respond to a friend's humorous tweet with a mere: “LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL.”

Now I can craft an appropriate response, like: “LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL.”

(The 35 extra LOLs really nail the sentiment I've been after.)

Of course this social media sea change isn't just about me. It's about everyone who wrongly thinks they have something important to say and will now be able to say twice as much of it at once.

Consider our tweeter-in-chief, Donald Trump. He dove straight into the expanded Twitter character count pool Tuesday night, using the newfound space to take the Republican candidate he had backed in Virginia's gubernatorial race — the one who lost to a Democrat — and throw him under the bus:

“Ed Gillespie worked hard but did not embrace me or what I stand for. Don't forget, Republicans won 4 out of 4 House seats, and with the economy doing record numbers, we will continue to win, even bigger than before!”

That's 215 characters right there. No way Trump could have gotten Mr. Gillespie fully under the bus with only 140 characters. Maybe three-quarters of the way, but definitely not fully.

And what about the Internet trolls? The added character space will surely enhance the richness and depth of tweets coming from people who heretofore have had to call me “a idiot” in 140 characters or less.

Now they'll be able to expound on my horrid looks and overall stupidity in detail that was previously impossible. They can even veer into insulting my mother while still having space to home in on how uniquely untalented I am.

Death threats will no longer require tacky abbreviations, like WYB (Watch Your Back) and IWTKY (I Want To Kill You) or IWRYOWMBMW (I Will Run You Over With My BMW).

And generically hateful tweets won't abruptly end with a disappointingly derivative: “DIE!” There will be room for exposition detailing the desired manner of death, undoubtedly enhancing my nagging feelings of existential dread.

And I won't be the only one to benefit. There are women who receive daily doses of toxic masculinity, often delivered in the form of tweets that begin with, “Actually.” Those man-tweets will now come with double the mansplaining and an extra 140 characters of sexism and outright harassment.

If you're Jewish or black or anything but white and Christian, rest assured that Twitter's numerous Nazi users will make full use of the extra slur-space to explain why the white race is superior, all while misspelling several words and completely disproving their point.

Clearly, Twitter's tweet expansion is a great idea.

Because when you're running a social media site riddled with racism, sexism, bigotry, rape threats, death threats and hate, what's more courageous than saying: “Hey, how about we give you a little more room to get your point across!”