The harm from sexual assault can persist
Survivors can encounter triggers in everyday life
For some, the memory of a sexual assault might be triggered by entering a room with white walls, the scent of a stranger or even his height. For most survivors, the harm lasts a lot longer than the day they were abused.
Chicagoan Natalie Kish says she was raped five years ago and the effects of that assault continue to surface. Kish, who carried a knife for two years after her assault, hears echoes of questions asked of her in a courtroom as she watches the news surrounding Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh, accused of sexual assault and misconduct.
Christine Blasey Ford, Kavanaugh’s former classmate, has accused him of sexually assaulting her in high school. Kavanaugh denies the accusation. He and Ford testified Thursday in front of the Senate Judiciary Committee.
Two more women have come forward accusing Kavanaugh of sexual misconduct. Kavanaugh has also denied those allegations.
Sarah Layden, director of programs and public policy at Resilience, formerly Rape Victim Advocates, said many things trigger memories of an assault. “It can happen in ways that might seem kind of mundane to other people but could have a real impact on somebody,” she said, adding that “I’ve worked with clients that have had a fear of white walls in apartments or houses, because when they were assaulted, that was the room that they were in.”
In college in 2013, Kish was sleeping when she said a man who was a friend of a friend came into her bedroom and raped her. She felt unsafe years later, even after moving to a different city. “I would try to always be with somebody when I could,” she said. “I very distinctly remember walking on the streets and always looking over my shoulder.”
Later, she realized how the assault had affected relationships with family members and friends. Some were not sure how to be supportive, and she ended up backing away from them. She said she realizes now that many survivors need support from those around them, but many people don’t know how to provide that, which is why education on this issue is important. Kish is now able to reflect on those relationships and work on repairing some. It’s also given her a good understanding of the type of empathetic, understanding people she wants in her life.
Romantic relationships after an assault are also heavily affected.
“Sex is used as a weapon in sexual assault,” Layden said. “Similar to how a survivor of gun violence or other types of street violence might be triggered when they see a gun or hear a gunshot, for some survivors, they may need to reorient themselves to consensual sex and learn how to enjoy that type of touch again, because it is essentially the same act that caused them such harm and such trauma.”
Months after the assault, Kish told a man she was dating what had happened. “He told me that I was overreacting and that I was letting this control my life,” she said. “I ended that relationship pretty quickly.”
Another place survivors may feel vulnerable is in a doctor’s office, during an intrusive exam. More physicians are discussing how to provide trauma-informed care. Chicago obstetrician Dr. Laura Laursen is sure to ask patients whether they feel safe at home and if they have ever experienced physical, emotional or sexual assault.
“If they kind of cringe at that, I explain it a little more and say, ‘Has anyone done anything to you sexually that you didn’t want them to?’ ” she said. She also prefaces the conversation by explaining she is about to ask sensitive questions, ones she asks each patient, “so they don’t think I’m singling them out.”
Layden said the #MeToo movement has created necessary awareness but also constant reminders for survivors.
“It can keep these conversations continuing at a national level, which may be conversations that many survivors may not be ready to engage in or may be at a place in their life where they don’t want to be reminded of that,” she said.
Resilience estimates that 7 out of 10 assaults were committed by people the victim knew; being in a continued relationship with family or friends who knew the attacker is another way an event stays present in someone’s life.
For Kish, the Kavanaugh hearings are bringing back memories of something she now feels a good distance away from.
She said the backlash against Ford, and the ways others alleging assault are treated, seems to ignore the impact the crime has on someone’s life. And in the questions asked of Ford — was she drinking? Why doesn’t she remember more? — she’s reminded of the questions she faced in a courtroom years ago.
“There was so much that they kept asking, like ‘How much were you drinking? Were you drunk? What were you wearing?’ ” she said. “You’re just constantly reminded.”