Is it OK to ask online how a person died?
Q: One of your friends posted on social media that a loved one passed away. Is it OK to ask how the person died if it isn’t explicitly stated?
A: If you’re curious about how your friend’s loved one died, but you’re not close enough to already know or ask in person, then asking is prying. Take your lead from the post itself: If your friend made a simple statement, respond with something short like, “Sorry for your loss, friend.”
If you are close to this friend, a more supportive way to connect is to send a message with something like, “I saw your post. ‘Sorry for your loss’ seems as if it’s not quite enough, but I’m here if you need someone to listen.”
Whether you respond by text or in a comment, saying something is way better than saying nothing.
— Megan Devine, author of “It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief & Loss in a Culture that Doesn’t Understand”
A: Appropriate reactions to a death online involve written condolences, kind memories of your friend’s loved one, offering help in specific ways, or at the very least, a few comforting emojis.
The most inappropriate reaction: inquiring about the cause of death. Ask yourself, “What is the purpose of my doing this? Will knowing the answer allow me to help my friend, or is it just morbid curiosity?”
If the person is a close friend or relative, give her a call, pay a visit and give her space to share whatever she wants. Your friend will always remember the loving support you gave her in those early, awful days, just as she’ll remember if you acted in a way that was completely thoughtless.