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Learn to embrace criticism to achieve success
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Many people are dissatisfied because they haven’t reached a high level of success. Sometimes it’s simply because they don’t know exactly what success means to them.
But even if people can clearly articulate their desired path, many don’t want to hear the truth about where they need to improve to get there. They, of course, say that they are open to constructive criticism, but then they get hostile or defensive or shut down when they hear the truth about their flaws, even when gently delivered.
During my time working in theater, most of us thrived on criticism. We would spend hours working hard, only to receive pages and pages of notes on everything we did wrong, and very little we did right. We didn’t really mind because we craved feedback so we could get better and hone our craft. Getting it right for the audience was the most important thing.
This should translate well in the business world, but it’s rarely taught in school, and often isn’t even taught on the job. Bosses and colleagues are insincerely positive and scared to offend, instead of giving the real feedback their employees need to achieve success.
It would be much easier to provide real insights if more people were willing to receive honest feedback. Unfortunately, most don’t really want to hear it, and even if they receive criticism, they reject it and don’t make the effort to understand it.
If you’re genuinely interested in success and willing to put your ego aside, here’s how to use criticism to your advantage:
Solicit real feedback from honest people
Most people ask the opinion of those they know will stroke their ego, and tell them what they want to hear. It’s understandable because people want to feel good about themselves, but this is not a pathway to achievement. Successful people seek out those who will tell them the hard, cold truth.
Those willing to share honest, but not cruel, feedback are the ones who take an actual stake in the other person’s success. They often risk the uncomfortable to help the receiver be better. Show your appreciation by listening with an open mind.
Ask yourself if the feedback is genuine, if there’s at least a kernel of truth in it and whether it was delivered without malice. And even if delivered in a ham-fisted or rude way, the criticism could have some value. Look at it as dispassionately as possible and ask yourself if there’s something to work on.
Keep a list
Keep track of what people tell you to work on. The hard stuff to improve on — the real issues that will require a deep investigation into why and how you are a particular way — aren’t going to be a quick fix.
Chances are you won’t be able to solve them by memory alone. You need time to absorb and observe your flaws and time to determine how to improve. Write it all down so you can attack all the problems effectively.
Create a plan
There will be little things that you can fix with relative ease. But once you knock out the simple stuff keeping you from success, it’s time for the tougher tasks.
The real challenges have more systemic issues that revolve around your mindset and how you behave. You should make a thoughtful plan of how to solve these issues, systematically and over time.
Celebrate the insight
Hearing that you’re doing something badly can be painful, which is why most people avoid seeking out feedback and why others avoid saying anything negative. They don’t want to hurt your feelings.
But until you get real insight, you won’t be able to advance. So when you get a piece of information that stings, recognize the moment and act on it. If your default mechanism is anger, you’re in trouble. Your ability to reason goes out the window when you get angry and you aren’t able to take in what the other person is saying. Take a breath and then internalize the feedback.
And most importantly, express real gratitude to the person brave enough to share it with you. This person likely cares and deserves your respect and gratitude.
Chart your progress
What gets measured gets done. If you really are determined to overcome your flaws and get better, you need to monitor your success closely. How well are you following your plan? Have you tackled all the small issues so you can work on the big ones?
If you don’t track your progress, you won’t be able to tell how you’re doing and where to focus your effort.
Never be satisfied
Nobody is perfect, or ever will be. But craving criticism and seeking improvement will push you past your perceived limits and to your highest potential. It also will likely push you ahead of many others. Take sports as an example.
Elite athletes have a bunch of coaches, and they’re not there to tell these people what they’re doing right. Far from it. Those seeking true success need to keep working, keep pushing and keep refining.
Kevin Daum is the author of “Video Marketing for Dummies” and “Roar! Get Heard in the Sales and Marketing Jungle.”