Uninviting guests during the pandemic
SOCIAL GRACES
Q: Your wedding is approaching, and you need to limit the number of guests in attendance to follow social distancing guidelines. How should you uninvite people?
A: The key is to let your guests know as soon as possible and ideally offer them an alternative to an in-person celebration. You might write a note like this:
“Dear (guest’s name — this should be personalized)
In light of the global health crisis, we are modifying our wedding to make it as safe as possible and to follow social distancing guidelines. Because of this, we hope you will accept our apology as we will not be able to include you in our special day, in-person.
We will be having a virtual celebration for our original guest list after our very small in-person wedding, and we hope that you can attend that event. You are so important to us, and we would love to have the opportunity to celebrate this moment in our lives with you however we can.”
— Lisa Orr, etiquette and protocol consultant
A: With today’s tech, no one has to be officially disinvited. Everyone can be included even if it’s limited to the virtual world. To protect guests from feeling downgraded to the virtual nosebleed seats, set aside time after the ceremony for a private e-toast.
However, how do you decide who makes the in-person cut? Before you rank your relationships, first ask for opt-out volunteers. There’s social pressure to attend a wedding, which might force highrisk or risk-adverse guests to reluctantly forgo their COVID-19 concerns. Giving them an opportunity to opt out might be a relief.
Whatever actions you take, do it as a couple. Marriage’s purpose is to lend support in good times and bad; consider this good team practice for the future.
— Katrina Majkut, author of “The Adventures and Discoveries of a Feminist Bride: What No One Tells You Before You Say ‘I Do’ ”