Should you tell friend’s significant other about cheating?
Q: Your friend is cheating on her significant other. Is telling the partner the right thing to do?
A: Your primary relationship is with your best friend. And it’s her decision as to whether or not she should tell her significant other that she’s cheating. If you do so on your own, you run the risk of losing your friendship because you’ve betrayed her trust. As an outsider, you are not privy to the nature of the relationship between your friend and her significant other. They may have agreed to an open relationship or the significant other may already know of the transgression. There’s also the risk that you might be acting on misinformation. One or both of them may be resentful of you inserting yourself in their relationship, no matter how tenuous the relationship seems to you.
If you don’t agree with your friend’s morals or worry that her judgment is impaired, talk to her about your feelings. Try to understand her point of view. What you learn may change the way you feel about her actions.
— Irene S. Levine Ph.D., psychologist and friendship expert, Author of “Best Friends Forever: Surviving a Breakup With Your Best Friend”
A: I really value privacy and I don’t think people should generally get involved in other people’s business. But a great friend is family. We’re supposed to protect our family and show up for them. We’re supposed to tell them the truth even when it’s hard.
You should go to your best friend first and give her a chance to do the right thing. Tell her you know what’s happening and you feel her partner deserves to know the reality of the situation. I also think it’s reasonable to tell your friend that if she can’t do this in the coming days, then you’ll have to tell her partner yourself.
And lastly, make sure you are relatively certain that the cheating is actually
happening. The worst thing you can do is wrongly accuse someone or lead someone astray.