If you put your child first, there’s a compromise somewhere
Q. My child’s father and I were in college and not as careful as we should have been. Being so young, we discussed very little prior to having our child and when we broke up, agreed on very little. She is now 6 and we have both changed substantially. While we are both Christian, my daughter’s father has chosen a much stricter path than I have. Although we are somewhat on the same page, he often takes our daughter to a cemetery to pray, not because relatives are buried there, but because he chooses to do so. My daughter comes home telling me it scares her. I told him, he didn’t believe me and dismissed my concern.
A. Religious differences are tough to tackle. It’s more than, “I like her hair long/I like her hair short.” It’s passing on your understanding of life. And if you have found something that centers you, then you want to pass that on to your child. However, if there is no meeting of the minds, how do you decide how to go forward?
My observation is your biggest problem is not that you worship differently, but that you can’t discuss a very important subject. I don’t know how you are approaching Dad, but if he feels attacked, he is probably taking your concerns very personally and gets defensive when anything is mentioned. You can’t find a compromise when you feel you must defend yourself.
How can you find a compromise for something like religion? In this case, the location seems to be the biggest concern — the cemetery. So, you both must ask yourselves, other than church, is the cemetery (since it has been reported to scare her) the only place Dad can pass on his faith? If a child is frightened, they are more likely to reject than accept.
If you put your child first, there is usually a compromise somewhere. You just have to find it — in the name of your child.