Keep interactions with ex friendly, but only about the kids
Q: My wife and I have been married for 6 months. I’m very close to my ex — she’s the mother of our three children and the kids go back and forth between our homes. My wife was going through my phone and found some texts with my ex that she thought were too flirty and went ballistic. She said I’m too close to
my ex and now really hates whenever I talk to her. It makes it very difficult to co-parent. What’s good ex-etiquette? A:
Since you didn’t say you weren’t flirting with your ex, I’m going to have to call you out on this one. Good co-parenting is dependent on good communication.
Touching base to discuss the kids is imperative. Good co-parenting is not dependent on familiar or flirty interaction and if that’s what you’re doing, your wife is right. Some changes must be made, pronto.
Those changes start with a “heads up” conversation with your ex. Begin the conversation with you taking responsibility, not something that starts with, “Lisa (or insert wife’s name here) doesn’t like us talking.” Because that’s not the issue. It appears she didn’t care if you talked.
She just doesn’t want you to flirt with your ex. Most women would agree with her, so take responsibility for bad judgment and don’t do it anymore. Keep your interaction friendly, but only about the kids.
How do you know if you’re really out of line? Ask yourself how you would feel if you read similar texts between your wife and her ex. If you find yourself feeling uncomfortable, then your wife deserves an apology.
Truth is, mom will always be mom, but your wife has an impact, as well. The kids need to feel comfortable at both homes and understand you respect their mother as their mother and your wife as your partner. Passing on that clear distinction is not only good co-parenting, but good parenting. Most of all, that’s good ex-etiquette.