ASK AMY

Dear Amy: I have been happily married for over 20 years. I love my wife and our son and daughter.

My wife and I are on the same page on most things, except for one big one: She wants to establish roots and stay in one place for her entire life so that her kids have a place to come home to from college and to bring our grandchildren (when they have them).

I am different. I want out of our homogenous bubble of a California town. Our friends are mostly my wife’s friends, because I have a Larry David kind of brain and oftentimes things come out of my mouth that tend to rub people the wrong way.

Both of our kids will be attending college in Georgia. In my mind, that creDear Amy: I appreciated ates an opportunity for us your explanation of how to start an adventure and flawed the IQ test is. move there for a few years. When I was a kid, apLive in Savannah, play parently, I tested very high. some golf, do some fishing, My parents used this high play some tennis, etc. score (they never told me

My wife disagrees. She what it was) to basically has her mother to take care punish me whenever I of, but Amy, her mother didn’t get a perfect grade. could live for another five They were all, “You’re to eight years. And she genius-level smart, but wants to have our home you’re not doing well become the one our kids enough.” will bring their children to. They assumed I was

I feel like I am stuck in a lazy. Honestly, I was just a bubble-prison. The things kid. that I would have liked to I’ve rejected the entire do in my life seem to be Dear Amy: Now that construct, because, as you slipping away. spring is here, with the pointed out, scores do not

Is that just life? Do I increased usage of our predict how well you do in dreams have life.— to give because up on they my don’t issue parks regarding and trails, noise. there is an intersect with my wife’s? When someone chooses

When I try to push my to use their smartphone’s agenda, my wife feels like speakerphone while walkshe has to make an imposing, I’d like to ask them to sible choice between her please speak in a normal husband and her mom. voice.

Of course, her guilt It is irritating when we chooses her mom, so can hear your loud voice a where does that leave me? block away.

Dear Georgia: Your selfidentification as a “Larry David” type makes me want to applaud your honesty — and give your wife a medal.

I’ll be your (unofficial) adjudicator: Your wife’s desire/need to take care of her mother is more important than your desire/need to pull her away to hang on the golf course and play some tennis, Larry.

And please don’t start the clock on your motherin-law’s life span.

You and your wife both seem to have unrealistic expectations for your future — you want to be footloose, and she seems to believe that your two children will quickly multiply and bring a passel of grandchildren back to the homestead.

This grandchild-centered plan of hers might be well over a decade off or not happen at all.

You might be able to split the difference, however. If you have the means, perhaps you could decamp for a few weeks to Georgia, rent a place and see if your wife can join you for a week or two. Getting out of the bubble, even briefly, might inspire both of you to think about your options in a new way.

Dear Steve: For some reason, the amplification of a speakerphone seems to inspire the other person to also raise their speaking volume.

I agree that this is really annoying — and a violation of the privacy of both parties.

And to you grandparents FaceTiming your grandkids while walking around? Please stop.

However, for me, being irritated by this sort of thing harkens back to another time, when it might have qualified as an annoyance headline.

This relatively minor irritation would qualify as a comfort right now, but I “hear” you, and I hope others will, too.

Successful

Dear Successful: Fortunately, parenting is graded on a curve.

Copyright 2020 by Amy Dickinson

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