Wonderful man might not be good match
Dear Amy: I’ve been dating a man for seven months. He is absolutely wonderful. We are even talking about marriage, except that we don’t see eye-toeye on politics. This was made even more apparent with the Supreme Court ruling in the Dobbs case.
We resolved to adopt a “we have different viewpoints, but we support” rule.
Yesterday, I asked the question: “Are you vaccinated against COVID-19?”
I was almost scared to hear his answer because I knew what it would be, and sure enough — he has not been vaccinated.
It is my fault for not having this conversation earlier in the relationship, because I have lupus and am taking several immunosuppressive medications.
With the newest COVID-19 variant being so contagious, I am worried that he will end up catching the virus, and then I would catch it.
When I asked if he would get vaccinated for me, he said “No,” and gave me a long list of political reasons why. How do I explain how important this is to my health?
I have five kids (all under the age of 18) from my previous marriage. With my health issues, I worry about leaving my children behind too soon, should the worst happen.
Should I just throw away a relationship that makes me happy? Should I end it over political differences?
— Vulnerable
You see this issue as somehow being about politics, but you’re the person with
Dear Vulnerable:
lupus and five children.
You’re the person already worried about your life being shortened by your autoimmune disease.
So this isn’t about politics. This is about science, safety and health.
This man’s vaccination could benefit him, his colleagues, neighbors and family members. He’s already decided that he’s not willing to do that.
Of course he won’t get vaccinated for you! If he cared about your health, he would do everything possible to guard your health.
My question is: Why don’t you care more about your health? You have a serious chronic illness. You are medically vulnerable. You also have five children who need you.
Yes — as you point out, this is on you. It is hard to understand why you would start a new relationship during a pandemic without asking a potential partner’s vaccination status prior to meeting.
It is an unfortunate situation, but your guy has already made a choice.
Now it’s your turn.
Dear Amy: I have been friends with “Charlotte” for 35 years.
Nine years ago, because we were both widowed, we agreed to rent an apartment together.
At first it was wonderful; however, slowly she began to criticize and correct me, especially in front of my children and friends.
I have repeatedly told her how this makes me feel, but then she says I’m overreacting. How do I get her to stop? This has affected our friendship to the point where I can’t stand being around her in social settings.
Is this a sign of senility, or is she being a bully?
— Fed Up
Dear Fed Up: This behavior could be a sign of senility, certainly if you have asked “Charlotte” not to belittle and correct you and she continues to do so.
However, aside from telling her how this makes you feel, you don’t report asking her to stop doing it.
It might be time for you two to have a serious heart-to-heart. I’m talking about a meeting where you review your living arrangement to see if it is still viable. Charlotte’s ongoing critique of you might indicate that she has grown unhappy with being your roommate. You are obviously unhappy.
If you decide to continue as roommates, you should tell Charlotte that moving forward you expect her not to criticize you in front of others, and if she persists, you will remind her publicly to stop.
Dear Amy: Responding to “Loving, but Sad Sister,” whose brother left out factual details in the obituary of their father — I suggest that she write and publish her own!
As a librarian, I fulfilled many requests for newspaper obituaries. These death notices last forever, and she should correct the record.
— Retired Librarian
Dear Librarian: Great advice.
Copyright 2022 by Amy Dickinson