Baltimore Sun

At-home worker chided for caring for kids

- By Amy Dickinson askamy@amydickins­on.com Twitter@askingamy Copyright 2023 by Amy Dickinson Distribute­d by Tribune Content Agency

Dear Amy: I am a hard worker. I try not to let my personal life affect my job.

The one thing that I cannot control is one of my three children getting sent home sick from school or day care.

I work from home; my office closed indefinite­ly during the pandemic. My boss is hard on me when I ask to make up my time in the evening so I can care for my sick kids, or when I ask if they can be home while I work.

I needed to leave work six times last year, and I called in sick once (I made up all of my missed hours).

During my review, she told me that I needed to have more of a plan for when my kids get sick. I was upset and explained that all institutio­ns have become stricter about illness since COVID-19, especially schools.

I understand the inconvenie­nce, but I also have four weeks of vacation and three days of sick pay a year. She talked down to me for a solid 10 minutes about my attendance “issues” but never thanked me for all of the weekends I worked so our department stays on track.

Am I being too sensitive? Should I look for a new job where the manager is more understand­ing?

— Weary Worker

Dear Weary: Some at-home workers report being more productive when their schedules are flexible, and according to you, you are making up all of the time you may have missed due to your child care responsibi­lities.

But should your boss thank you for making up the work you’ve been hired to do? I don’t think so.

You should not have to ask permission for your children to be home. They live there! If your company wanted to guarantee a child-free workplace, then perhaps they should expend the resources to reopen their offices.

Your boss might have been attempting to direct you toward setting new goals, but she cannot profession­ally retaliate based on your need to use PTO or sick day to take care of a sick child.

The Center for WorkLife Law (worklifela­w.org) has prepared an extensive document outlining the post-pandemic statutes that protect workers from Family Responsibi­lity Discrimina­tion. According to their research, “At least 195 state and local jurisdicti­ons have enacted laws outlawing discrimina­tion against parents.”

Follow up with an email to your boss outlining your productivi­ty and noting that the fact that you work from home means that you pull lots of late-night and weekend work, and that your ability to do this means that your team is on track. And yes, you should look for another job with a company that values at-home workers’ productivi­ty.

My brother has spent his adult life in a foreign country. When our parents were still alive, he brought his family to the U.S. every summer, and we usually saw them then.

Even then, he rarely answered emails or returned phone calls.

I send him a chatty email about every month, which he rarely answers.

Dear Amy:

His inattentio­n reached an extreme when I wrote to let him know that I was having surgery. No response. He hurt my feelings, but more importantl­y I don’t think I know how to maintain a relationsh­ip with my brother. Help!

— Lost

Dear Lost: The word “relationsh­ip” invokes the concept of an exchange. You don’t seem to have that with your brother.

It really does take at least two people to maintain a relationsh­ip, and based on your descriptio­n, I’d say that you’ve likely had warmer and more personal exchanges with the cable guy than with this sibling.

You have nothing to lose here, and so I suggest that you lay it all out. Email your brother and tell him how hurt you feel. Tell him you’d like to have a better relationsh­ip with him, and ask him if he is willing to try. Prepare yourself for the possibilit­y that he does not want to try.

Dear Amy: You don’t seem to run many fan letters, but I want you to know how much I appreciate you.

You had a recent response that really moved me when you wrote: “The best work I do is to amplify the beautiful wisdom of my readers.” That brought tears to my eyes.

— Appreciati­ve

Dear Appreciati­ve: Even though letters of complaint tend to get more traction, I appreciate the affirmatio­n.

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