The hideous legacy of a child rapist at a Baltimore Catholic school
Editor’s note: On Friday, as the region grappled with the latest round of revelations regarding the Archdiocese of Baltimore’s failures to protect children from predators within its Catholic institutions over decades, John Merzbacher died in the infirmary at the Eastern Correctional Institution in Westover, at the age of 81. The former teacher at the Catholic Community Middle School in South Baltimore spent the last 28 years of his life in prison for the rape and torture of a student — Elizabeth Ann Murphy, whose biggest dream when he entered her life was to one day become a nun.
Murphy was sexually, physically and mentally abused by Merzbacher for three years in the early 1970s, but she was not his only victim. “He repeatedly and violently abused children in at least two schools in the 1960s and 1970s,” according to the recent Attorney General’s Report on Child Sexual Abuse in the Archdiocese of Baltimore. It spends 10 pages listing Merzbacher’s crimes, and calls his case “the most obvious example of systemic abuse” within the archdiocese. It took 20 years to bring him to justice — long after his victims had lost their childhood to him.
Though multiple witnesses came forward as adults, as Murphy did, to chronicle his horrific behavior, Murphy’s case is the only one that went to trial. Merzbacher was convicted of child rape, and, in 1995, he was sentenced to four life terms, plus 10 years. And yet, he was nearly released on a technicality a little over a decade ago, leaving the specter of his return always hanging over the heads of those he hurt and whose futures he forever altered.
Murphy never became the nun she envisioned as a child. But she still became a hero, standing up for the little girl she once was and for others who experienced similar trauma. With Merzbacher’s death, she will no longer have to live in fear.
Below is the victim impact statement that Murphy read into the Baltimore City Circuit Court record at Merzbacher’s sentencing in 1995. It is graphic, it is disturbing, and it should never be forgotten.
Elizabeth Murphy’s 1995 victim impact statement
My life as a child was happy and content. A loving father, mother, eight brothers and sisters, as well as a dear uncle surrounded me. In the summer of 1972, I was filled with the usual excitement and anxiety of the approaching school year. I was going to a new school, and I wondered if I would make new friends. I wondered if I would like my new teachers, or if they would like me. I was assigned to the homeroom of [John Joseph Merzbacher], and he would also be my English teacher. He seemed rather unconventional. Immediately setting up a group of favorites around him, he appeared to genuinely like children. Then, while I was playing in the park with my friends during lunch, he singled me out and asked me to walk back to the classroom with him.
I had no idea as I followed him from the playground to classroom No. 103 that my childhood would be forever shattered. He spoke in a language incomprehensible to me; he poured alcohol for me from his fake books — sherry. Then he removed my underwear and placed me on top of his penis and raped me. The smile on his face turned to one of anger as he told me to “clean myself up.” Then he called me filthy names and threatened to kill me if I ever told anyone what he did. He threatened to kill my father and my family. He told me what a terrible child I was and who would believe me anyway, even if I did tell.
But verbal threats were not enough. He had to pull out a revolver and point it in my
face and threaten to blow my head off if I ever told. He had a favorite game he called Russian roulette, and he would play it with me often. I have never forgotten the game or the terror. To this day the sound or sight of a gun causes me great stress and anxiety, as does the sight of a pipe or the smell of pipe tobacco. He demonstrated quite clearly that he would use his weapon the day he fired it over my head in the classroom. I have been told that some children laughed, but I didn’t — I was terrified. He made his point; I got his message.
At the age of 11, at the age of 12, at the age of 13, [Merzbacher] repeatedly raped me physically, emotionally and spiritually. At the age of 11, I had a dream, a dream like many children of what I wanted to become when I grew up. My dream was to become a nun. I believed in a very loving and compassionate God, a God who said: “Let the children come to me, for it is to such as these that the Kingdom of Heaven belongs.” I knew only goodness and kindness as a child, but in that spring of 1972, I looked upon the face of evil, in the body of John Merzbacher. I not only saw evil, I had it forced inside of me. I was forced to touch evil, smell evil and taste evil, and I have spent the last 23 years trying to rid myself of the memories of violent sex and death threats.
I still wake in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat with the image of [Merzbacher’s] face. He took away my closeness from the people I loved the most: my family. I alienated myself from their love because I had a terrible secret that I could not tell them. They did not understand the things that I did out of pain, anger and self-hatred. I continued to use drugs and alcohol — the things [Merzbacher] introduced me to — as a way of trying to remain numb. I have battled drugs and alcohol, and it is nothing short of a miracle that I have not died. God only knows I have wanted to die. Others in my situation have.
[Merzbacher] took away my power to choose. I freeze in the face of intimacy, paralyzed and unable to distinguish healthy from unhealthy relationships. I have spent 23 years punishing myself for the sins and crimes that John Merzbacher committed against me, committed against my humanity. He is the thief of my childhood. I ask the court to impose a sentence of at least 23 years [of ] actual time served because it is the number of years that I have been imprisoned by the trauma of what [Merzbacher] inflicted on me as a child. I will continue to struggle with this for the rest of my life.
I ask the court to impose a strict
sentence because child molesters are a danger to society. John Merzbacher has not acknowledged the pain and suffering he imposed on me as a child, he has not taken responsibility for his actions, he has not shown remorse, he has not even asked for help. On the contrary he maintains his innocence, even after the jury has found him guilty on three charges of statutory rape, one count of common law rape, one count of child sexual abuse, and one count of perverted practice. There are three people who know for certain that [Merzbacher] is guilty: God knows you are guilty, I know you are guilty, and [Merzbacher] knows that he is guilty.
I believe that God’s justice is mercy and forgiveness, but please take note that the word justice precedes mercy and forgiveness. I have done all within my power as a victim and a citizen, and at great personal cost, to cooperate with the state to bring John Merzbacher to this day, but I am not charged with executing justice. It is your honor’s duty and burden.
In reality, no amount of years in prison would be enough to restore what the convicted took away from me. I can only hope and pray that no other child will be damaged by John Merzbacher ever again. Twenty-three years ago I believed that a little girl died during the spring of 1972, but I have gradually discovered that she is still alive, bruised and battered, and it is her voice that speaks to this court today.