Why I always talk with my Uber driver

I travel quite a bit for work, and while I don’t talk much on my flights I make a point of chatting with my Uber driver once I land.

But it’s often not the city I’m visiting that I learn about. Rather, it is the country from which the driver has emigrated.

Many Uber drivers are immigrants. In their home countries they might have held very different occupations, including as lawyers or physicians. I’ve met men and women from Afghanistan, Iraq, Eritrea, Central America, Ethiopia and other places where conflict and oppression are ever-present. During a short ride you can learn much about the driver’s families and the reasons they have come to the U.S., which typically include the need to provide a better future for their loved ones and themselves.

Many send earnings back to their home countries to support family members they’ve left behind.

We can sometimes be cynical about the American dream, but we might not recognize that the problems we see today — including violence, polarization and economic hardship — are much worse elsewhere.

One of my students is Ukrainian and is now back home with her family. Last week, while communicating with her, she warned that the power could go out at any time because she could hear bombing nearby. In conversations with individuals from Haiti, a country controlled by gangs; Central America, where poverty and violence are rampant; and Afghanistan, where the oppressive Taliban restricts all aspects of one’s life, each has enthusiastically said America is a much better place to be than their homes.

My Uber drivers remind me of how lucky I am to have been born in the U.S. My friend, the peace activist Colman McCarthy, calls this “winning the birth lottery.” The deprivation and extreme hardship that takes place around the world are disconnected and detached experiences for most Americans.

Though we can show concern and sympathy for those experiencing hardship around the world — including the Palestinians killed and starving in Gaza and the Israelis massacred on Oct. 7 — few of us can experience the full impact of empathy. And certainly, fewer of us can say “I know how they feel because I experienced that also.” Many Uber drivers can say just that.

Americans often live in segregated communities, divided by ethnicity, race, religion or economic status. The pronounced political polarization we experience is both a cause and a byproduct of this. We rarely talk to or meet with those who are different from ourselves, losing the opportunity to learn how we are all connected and share a common humanity — and that the suffering of others is often much deeper and more significant than our own.

Does learning of someone else’s lived experience cause us to make changes in our own lives? Will we be more generous, compassionate and tolerant? Will it cause us to take action that could measurably change the circumstances for someone?

It’s hard to measure. But in a world where we are increasingly disconnected from one another and operating in our self-absorbed realities, talking with your Uber driver might just make a difference.