Even dummies have their days
Remember the good old days when we just had your normal, average holidays like Christmas, Thanksgiving, Halloween, Fourth of July, Memorial Day and those types of celebrations? Mother’s Day started in 1914 and Father’s Day, even though it began in 1910, was not officially made a national holiday until 1972.
Heck, in 1978 we even made the first Sunday after Labor Day into national Grandparent’s Day. Those are all well and good and we SHOULD take the time to honor and celebrate those holidays.
But now? We’ve gone completely off the deep end. I mean, it was bad enough when we decided to devote the beginning of an entire season on whether a rodent saw it’s shadow, but now? EVERYONE has to have their own “day” and if they don’t, we are obviously offending SOMEONE and leaving SOMEBODY out.
A few of these new events I can somewhat understand. I mean, there’s nothing wrong with taking a day or a week to appreciate teachers, nurses, secretaries and other professions.
But some of them? Sept. 22 for example, is national Hobbit Day. And Jan. 14 is actually national Clean Your Desk Day.
No, sadly, I’m not kidding. People need a national holiday to make them clean their desk. Way to go, folks.
But the dumbest one I’ve come across so far is not just national, it’s spread all across the entire globe.
And the winner IS … World Naked Bike Ride Day.
And it’s nothing new either. Apparently humans have been celebrating this one since 2001 and a whole ton of U.S. cities have taken it up, too. It’s one thing for London or Greece to do it, (we all know how Europeans are) but the United States? And I guess it’s to be expected in places like New Orleans or Portland or San Francisco but I have to admit, I was pretty surprised to find St. Louis as a participant.
From my research, I’ve found that this ridiculous event originally started out as a worldwide protest against dependency on oil. Because, you know, nothing will stop oil dependency like a bunch of naked idiots, right? And the numbers just continue to grow. In Portland for example, it draws anywhere from 8,000 to 10,000 each year just with participants, not counting all those who line the streets just to “watch.”
Those who ride like to complain about the spectators, too. Um, hello? You are riding naked down public streets past businesses and restaurants and parks. What do you expect, everyone to stay inside like they did for Lady Godiva? At least SHE did it to make her husband lower the people’s taxes. What good are all the nude cyclists accomplishing? Oh, that’s right, NONE.
This year, however, the exhibitionists in St. Louis got quite a surprise when a gentleman in the family friendly park they were riding past decided to start pelting them with paint balls. Apparently he was angry because children were in the vicinity and it still didn’t stop the riders.
Tower Grove Park is a great place for kids and picnics and runners alike, and even bears a sign that reads, “A welcoming place for all.”
Maybe they should change the sign to, “A welcoming place for all wearing CLOTHES” because I don’t know about you, but if I was at a park with my kiddos and naked people came riding by on bikes, I’d probably do a lot worse than just pelt them with a few harmless paint balls. I’d make sure they were frozen, first.
You want to be naked, fools? Go home and be naked. Or next time? Participate in national Ding-a-ling Day instead. That’s Dec. 12.
Camille Bissell is a longtime guest columnist for The Saline Courier. Her opinions are her own and do not represent this publication or its employees.