Even dum­mies have their days

The Saline Courier Weekend - - OPINION - CAMILLE BIS­SELL

Re­mem­ber the good old days when we just had your nor­mal, aver­age hol­i­days like Christ­mas, Thanks­giv­ing, Hal­loween, Fourth of July, Memo­rial Day and those types of cel­e­bra­tions? Mother’s Day started in 1914 and Fa­ther’s Day, even though it be­gan in 1910, was not of­fi­cially made a na­tional hol­i­day un­til 1972.

Heck, in 1978 we even made the first Sun­day af­ter La­bor Day into na­tional Grandparen­t’s Day. Those are all well and good and we SHOULD take the time to honor and cel­e­brate those hol­i­days.

But now? We’ve gone com­pletely off the deep end. I mean, it was bad enough when we de­cided to de­vote the be­gin­ning of an en­tire sea­son on whether a ro­dent saw it’s shadow, but now? EV­ERY­ONE has to have their own “day” and if they don’t, we are ob­vi­ously of­fend­ing SOME­ONE and leav­ing SOME­BODY out.

A few of th­ese new events I can some­what un­der­stand. I mean, there’s noth­ing wrong with tak­ing a day or a week to ap­pre­ci­ate teach­ers, nurses, sec­re­taries and other pro­fes­sions.

But some of them? Sept. 22 for ex­am­ple, is na­tional Hob­bit Day. And Jan. 14 is ac­tu­ally na­tional Clean Your Desk Day.

No, sadly, I’m not kid­ding. Peo­ple need a na­tional hol­i­day to make them clean their desk. Way to go, folks.

But the dumb­est one I’ve come across so far is not just na­tional, it’s spread all across the en­tire globe.

And the win­ner IS … World Naked Bike Ride Day.

And it’s noth­ing new ei­ther. Ap­par­ently hu­mans have been celebratin­g this one since 2001 and a whole ton of U.S. cities have taken it up, too. It’s one thing for Lon­don or Greece to do it, (we all know how Euro­peans are) but the United States? And I guess it’s to be ex­pected in places like New Or­leans or Port­land or San Fran­cisco but I have to ad­mit, I was pretty sur­prised to find St. Louis as a par­tic­i­pant.

From my re­search, I’ve found that this ridicu­lous event orig­i­nally started out as a world­wide protest against de­pen­dency on oil. Be­cause, you know, noth­ing will stop oil de­pen­dency like a bunch of naked id­iots, right? And the num­bers just con­tinue to grow. In Port­land for ex­am­ple, it draws any­where from 8,000 to 10,000 each year just with par­tic­i­pants, not count­ing all those who line the streets just to “watch.”

Those who ride like to com­plain about the spec­ta­tors, too. Um, hello? You are rid­ing naked down pub­lic streets past busi­nesses and restau­rants and parks. What do you ex­pect, ev­ery­one to stay in­side like they did for Lady Go­diva? At least SHE did it to make her hus­band lower the peo­ple’s taxes. What good are all the nude cy­clists ac­com­plish­ing? Oh, that’s right, NONE.

This year, how­ever, the ex­hi­bi­tion­ists in St. Louis got quite a sur­prise when a gen­tle­man in the fam­ily friendly park they were rid­ing past de­cided to start pelt­ing them with paint balls. Ap­par­ently he was an­gry be­cause chil­dren were in the vicin­ity and it still didn’t stop the rid­ers.

Tower Grove Park is a great place for kids and pic­nics and run­ners alike, and even bears a sign that reads, “A wel­com­ing place for all.”

Maybe they should change the sign to, “A wel­com­ing place for all wear­ing CLOTHES” be­cause I don’t know about you, but if I was at a park with my kid­dos and naked peo­ple came rid­ing by on bikes, I’d prob­a­bly do a lot worse than just pelt them with a few harm­less paint balls. I’d make sure they were frozen, first.

You want to be naked, fools? Go home and be naked. Or next time? Par­tic­i­pate in na­tional Ding-a-ling Day instead. That’s Dec. 12.

Camille Bis­sell is a long­time guest colum­nist for The Sa­line Courier. Her opin­ions are her own and do not rep­re­sent this pub­li­ca­tion or its em­ploy­ees.

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from USA

© PressReader. All rights reserved.