Just Stewing a bit
“If
I look back
I am lost.”
A quote made by a female character in the very popular, but probably won’t ever be finished, book series, and HBO drama, Game of Thrones.
I'm not usually a fan of female heroes, but Danerys Targaryan comes to mind sometimes when I'm aggravated about life in general.
I know there’s lots of real life women I could admire and follow, but I read a lot and watch a lot of TV, OK?
So, despite being sold by her amorous brother to gain an army to take over basically everything, she eventually realized she was stronger and more capable than the men (and women, lets be honest) that were around her.
Her brother was a real jerk, but she eventually got the better of him. I mean she ate an entire horses heart. All he did was whine about her getting all the attention.
Anyway, since my graduation to widowhood seven years ago, life has been anything but a dream. But I finally unloaded a sinking boat of a house.
Imagine, if you will, the boat in Jaws after the shark ate it, and Robert Shaw.
Not really, but close. But despite the naysayers, that money pit went for more than I imagined. Enough to move on mind you, but not enough to buy my own island.
I wouldn't want to do that anyway. Johnny Depp bought one and look what happened to him.
Still love you Johnny! And so now I along with my cat Tiny Tim and my Jack Russell/ chihuahua Pete, who Steve Reagan not-soaffectionately referred to as “rat-dog,” are now apartment dwelling townies.
Yay!? Actually, although it has been rough navigating the world outside my used-to-be front door, I can say the future at least doesn't look so grim.
My new digs are nice and I'm back doing something I enjoy.
Living within walking distance to work is also a plus and maybe someday I'll actually get the darn internet connected to my TV.
Everyone I called about the connection issues told me I just have to figure it out.
Or ask a neighbor. Which ain't happening because, although I am a high functioning introvert, I’m still an introvert with social anxiety.
Cue eye roll.
I'm famous for my eye rolls.
But, it's a wonder they didn't roll out of my head today. I long for the isolation and solitude and decent internet connection I had at my former location.
I don't regret the move, I just thought it would be easier.
I feel as though I have been living in a cave not paying attention as the world outside changed and moved on without telling me.
It was quite a shock to have to pay application fees and deposits at every place I was interested in renting. It wasn’t like that 25 years ago, but I managed and am finally, mostly settled.
Like Danerys, I must keep moving forward and look back in retrospect. And hope my end won’t be as horrific as hers. Although she did die in a really nice outfit.
The momentum feels right.
Hopefully it won't get interrupted again by a bug you can't see or the bugs we see way too much of on our TVS.
I like my record player more and more.