Expert Offers Advice for Parents This Holiday Season
The holiday season is here and with it, a heaping dose of parental guilt. In fact, research conducted by Parenting For Brain found that 21% of the parenting questions on Tiktok revolve around parenting guilt.
According to Pamela Li, Editor-inchief of the parenting wellness website Parenting for Brain, Tiktok is a great way for struggling parents to feel connected to others, since, she says, “Facing the day-to-day stresses of parenthood while juggling organizing the holidays and joining in on the festivities can often result in people feeling anxious — particularly if they’re first-time parents or perhaps don’t have a solid support system.
“Engaging with those in a similar situation can help combat this anxiety by creating a sense of camaraderie and community, reducing feelings of isolation, and allowing mothers and fathers alike to find comfort in the fact they are not alone and that it is normal to feel this way around the holiday season.”
Parenting Guilt
Many parents experience guilt for not spending enough time with their children. Although parents, especially mothers, struggle with guilt when they think they aren’t spending enough time with their children, parents must remember that the amount of time you spend with your child doesn’t automatically determine your quality as a parent.
According to Li, most people’s schedules are naturally more hectic during the holidays, “with an increased amount of social gatherings and a seemingly endless list of chores to tick off before the big day.” However, she points out this is not a reason to feel guilty. Instead, parents should focus on the quality of time they spend with their children. “Connect with them, ask about their day, support their emotional needs — that’s what matters. That’s what will make the holidays special to them,” Li says. Finding Time for Yourself While most Tiktok posts expressed parents’ guilt about not spending enough time with their little ones, others sought advice on the best way to prioritize personal time while raising children.
That can prove especially difficult while trying to keep up with all the festivities.
Of the queries that mentioned having a routine, over half (57%) focused on how to find personal time as a parent, whether it was so they could get chores done or have time to rest and recoup.
While yearning for alone time may be a source of guilt for parents, it's essential to realize that making time for yourself is also vital. Li explains, “As long as you ensure you have quality interactions with your child, you shouldn't feel guilty for making time for yourself. The holiday season can be full on, and it's important to have your own space still.”
Li recommends carving out time for yourself so you don't experience burnout and can be your best self as a parent.
She suggests carving out time for self-care in your schedule. “In the same way that you might schedule a half-hour to help with homework, carve out a non-negotiable slot just for you. If this means you need to have a time-saving meal that night or leave reading a bedtime story to your partner, so be it.” Disciplining Children Another frequently asked question in Tiktok's parenting community is how to handle a child who refuses to comply with instructions. This question accounts for 40% of inquiries related to discipline.
According to Li, implementing a three-component system is vital for successful discipline:
Build a solid relationship: Parents should create a positive relationship with their children so that they see them as respected and caring caregivers.
Positive Reinforcement: Praise good behavior rather than focusing only on the child's mistakes.
Natural Consequences: Instead of punishing your child for a mistake, allow them to experience natural consequences. For example, if your child refuses to sleep, let the struggle of waking up in the morning teach them their lesson about staying up past bedtime.
This system can help parents continue fostering good relationships with their child while teaching them the discipline they'll be grateful for when they reach adulthood. Screentime Balance
About 50% of the inquiries on Tiktok regarding technology were centered around whether children should have parental controls on their devices to filter out inappropriate or harmful content. It's an understandable question, since the winter break provides more leisure time and children may be inclined to spend more time on their phones or laptops.
Although parental controls can benefit younger children, they tend to be less effective when applied to teenagers. Teenagers may perceive the use of content restrictions as controlling behavior, and since they are likely to find a way around them, implementing such controls can harm the parent-child relationship without achieving the intended goal.
“Instead, try having an open and honest conversation with them, speaking of the potential dangers and advising them on how to stay safe,” Li suggests. “Start a discussion about why parental filters are important and what you're hoping to achieve by having them in place — and you might find that they're more open to implementing them if it feels like a joint decision.”