Clue of the shoe in Marcos' case
Sherlock Holmes was studying the newspaper. “No matter where one goes to track down the secret of the Marcos fortune, the trail always leads back to the shoes.”
“Why is that?” I asked him.
“I'm not sure, Watson. Let's see what we know already. Imelda has 3,200 pairs of size 8 shoes in her closet, most of which had never been worn. Why, Watson, why?”
“Suppose Ferdinand Marcos had a foot fetish. Many men with power do.”
“It's too easy, Watson. Even someone with an extreme foot fixation could never go through 3,200 pairs.”
“I've known people with fetishes who went through a pair of new shoes every day. Perhaps Ferdinand was one of them.”
“I checked around at the palace. No one ever saw Marcos playing with Imelda's shoes.”
“Well then, Sherlock, maybe Imelda was the one who had a foot fetish.”
Sherlock smiled as he usually does when he's caught me.
“Wrong, Watson. Not a foot fetish. If anything, Imelda had a shoe fetish.”
“What is a shoe fetish?”
“It's a compulsion to hold and caress a piece of footwear to assuage your guilt.”
“And what causes one to have the fetish?”
“We're not sure. All we know is that many people who have a shoe fetish also have a numbered bank account in Switzerland.”
“It's all starting to come together, Sherlock. Mrs. Marcos bought shoes on her trips abroad to disguise the fact she was opening numbered bank accounts.”
“Just the opposite, my dear Watson. Imelda opened numbered bank accounts abroad to disguise the fact she was buying shoes.”
“Of course,” I said. “But why?” “Imelda had a very deprived childhood. The money she sent out of the country was to assure her that no matter what happened to the Philippine government, she would always have something to wear to the ball.”
“But, Sherlock, we're talking about $3 billion. Are you trying to tell me that all this money was set aside for footwear?”
“Have you priced women's shoes lately, Watson?”
“That's all well and good. But suppose Imelda had stocked up on the shoes so that when she was booted out of Manila she could open her own store in Honolulu.”
“Take a look at this photo. Does Imelda look like somebody who would work in a shoe store?”
“Probably not. But she could own it and not work there.”
“Except for one thing, Watson. All the shoes are size 8. You can't open a store where all the footwear is the same size.”
“Hmmmn. Well, tell me, Sherlock, does solving the shoe enigma help you solve the problem of where the Philippine treasury is?”
“Not necessarily. A lot of it is hidden in real estate, gold, jewelry, banks and legitimate companies that Marcos bought when he was riding high. But all that has surfaced are the shoes.”
“Quite. Say what you will, Sherlock, the Marcoses always covered their tracks.”
“Watson, I would like to go back and take one more look at Imelda's closet.”
“Why, Sherlock?”
“The Marcoses had a dog guarding their clothes. On the night they sneaked out of the palace the dog did not bark. Why not, Watson?”
“Why, Sherlock?”
“Elementary. The dog had a shoe in his mouth.”
Arthur Buchwald was an American humorist best known for his column in The Washington Post. At the height of his popularity, it was published nationwide as a syndicated column in more than 500 newspapers including the Big Spring Herald. His column focused on political satire and commentary.