100 things I love about America

A few years ago, my wife and I subscribed to a certain magazine. In July, it arrived with a cover boasting an article inside called 100 Things We Love About America!

We decided to compile our own lists and then compare them to the one in the magazine. I wrote out my list, train-of-thought-style, and so did my wife.

But when we opened the magazine we were disappointed. Their list was more specific than we had imagined. It named particular things — Joe’s Diner in Weehawken; a house built entirely of corn cobs in Omaha — whereas our lists were generic. It was an interesting article, but making our lists had been a waste of time.

Until now, that is, because I saved my list and I think it’s dandy for a July Fourth column.

If you believe some of these things aren’t specific enough to America, you’re entitled to your opinion. Many of these things can be found in other countries, too. However, they are in America and I enjoy them. Also, a fair number of them were invented here. My things may not be your things. That’s fine. One of the great things about America, which I didn’t include because I felt it was self-evident, is that we don’t walk in lockstep.

But enough preamble, here’s my list in no particular order at all.

Let’s start with baseball, sitcoms, plentiful food, varying climates, air conditioning, rock ’n’ roll, jazz — and musicals.

There are comedy teams, sneakers, basketball, football, generosity, heroes, electric toothbrushes, watermelon — and Norman Rockwell.

There are public parks, subways, trolleys, beaches, ice cream, cheeseburgers, paved roads, shoeshines, money that doesn’t have this year’s ruling monarch on it — and the internet.

There are bass guitars, La-Z-Boys, good coffee, porches, decks, grills, cold beer, tube socks, T-shirts, jeans, TV — and radio.

There’s fried chicken, electric lights, popcorn, ice water, public libraries, mailmen, mom and pop stores, air fresheners, Mark Twain, Q-Tips, Jell-O — and just enough history.

There’s voting, funny pages, sofa beds, peanut butter, Thanksgiving, capitalism, rubber duckies, teddy bears — and 50 states (so if you don’t like where you are, you can move and still be here!).

There are lawnmowers you can ride, the right to bear arms, white picket fences, holidays that celebrate ideals, the freedom to be weird, the freedom to call someone a weirdo if they’re weird, Americanized Chinese food, big honkin’ trucks — and nostalgia.

There are amazing medical breakthroughs, newspapers (especially this one!), professional wrestling, roller derby, cartoons, stand-up comics, long hot showers, squirrels, a distinct lack of man-eating tigers — and you don’t have to bow down to some jerk who inherited a throne. There are not too many volcanoes, no state religion, photo booths, pie, wonderfully silly self-importance, the ability to laugh at ourselves, amazing diversity of cultures, frozen foods, fireworks, hot dogs, the ability to quit a rotten job, second chances — and one great idea can make you rich.

There are pet rocks, drive-ins, motels, balls of rubber bands — and if you don’t like it here, you can leave. And if you don’t like it where you are, you can come here (but if we don’t like you, we can send you back). If you don’t like us, tough And — if you can’t think of 100 things you like about America, it’s OK.

As a matter of fact, you can make a list entitled “100 Things I Hate About America” and you won’t get thrown in jail. That, in itself, is worth the other 99 things.

As a matter of fact, you can make a list entitled ‘100 Things I Hate About America’ and you won’t get thrown in jail. That in itself is worth the other 99 things.