For many, final chapter gets rewrite
Open attitudes toward dying spur end-of-life conversations
In February 2008, Somerville resident Kayt Norris attended her stepfather’s funeral — but there was no casket, and there were more laughs than tears. The dying man held a glass of bourbon while friends and family members toasted his life.
“He really felt like he needed to create a safe space for everyone to say goodbye,” said Norris, 31. “It was OK to hug him and know it might be the last time. It was really a celebratory tone.”
Jerry Aamoth died a month later at the age of 68, after battling kidney cancer for 2 1⁄ years. 2
Norris’ stepdad fought for his life. He would have happily stayed longer had he won his fight. But if there is such thing as a good death, Aamoth had it — one preceded by bucket-list trips, final conversations, and last days spent at home, surrounded by loved ones.
It is that type of farewell to the world that hospitals, medical schools and long-term caregivers are beginning to encourage.
The Massachusetts Coalition for Serious Illness Care, comprised of about 70 health care organizations, launched an end-of-life campaign last week that includes an online quiz meant to spur conversations about last wishes before it’s too late. #WriteYourScript gets participants thinking about what is meaningful to them, never explicitly asking how he or she wants to die, but taking a lighthearted approach to what will hopefully evolve into a heavier conversation.
“I think we here in the United States, more so than other places, we have this culture that medicine can cure, medicine can solve problems,” said Maureen Bisognano, co-chair of the coalition. “But we’re trying to help people understand that, yes, we’re going to die, and the time to have the conversation is now.”
Bisognano’s efforts are born of personal experience; her brother was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma when she was a teenager. Because a doctor took the initiative to ask him what he wanted, he celebrated his 21st birthday at home and died shortly thereafter.
Hospitals are slowly moving toward the practice of planned death. Tufts Medical Center revamped its palliative care unit earlier this year, hiring the division’s first chief.
“Clearly, our society is approaching a much more open attitude about death and dying as a reality,” said Dr. Tamara Vesel, the medical center’s new palliative chief. “We are pushing the envelope with science that prolongs life, but the reality is we’re going to die. It’s not going away. It’s there.”
She said medical students now learn how to talk to patients about how they want to die. And by talking about death, she added, patients and family members are given the courage to live.
“It gives them strength to go through difficulties and suffering,” Vesel said. “They’re less afraid of something that we all have to face, no matter what.”