Unrealistic expectations create stress for high school students

WINNETKA, Ill. — When New Trier High School student Ben Matejka got his results from the ACT, he was pleased with his score of 27, comfortably above the national average of about 21.

But when Ben told his friends, some of their responses took him aback. He got condolences.

“My score was much higher than the national average, but New Trier is not a typical high school,” said Matejka, 18, a recent graduate, who this fall started his freshman year at the University of Denver.

That attitude — that students at elite public high schools must do more than just “good” on college admissions tests — is one example of the way kids are told there is only one pathway to success. Many students at highperforming schools feel they need to get fantastic grades, ace their standardized tests, participate in extracurricular activities and sports, and then go on to elite universities.

But going to an Ivy League school, or even a four-year university, isn’t achievable — or desirable — for every student, experts say, and they argue the mindset that anything else would be failure causes harm. Thinking this way can create a barrier for students, they claim, blocking them from seeking nontraditional educational and career pathways, and leading to damaging levels of stress.

Meanwhile, tech school instructors, counselors and scientists are trying to open minds to the idea that there are many ways to fulfill potential in children. For some, it’s encouraging kids to pursue a career as an auto mechanic instead of getting a master’s degree in physics. For others, it’s as simple as persuading parents their “C” students can lead happy, productive lives.

Patrick McGrath, a clinical psychologist, said he often begins presentations to parents by asking, “How many of you are OK with your child being average?” No one raises their hand, he said.

“These are your typical suburban parents,” said McGrath, the director of Amita Health Alexian Brothers Center for Anxiety and Obsessive Compulsive Disorders in Hoffman Estates, Ill. “I tell them, ‘If you’re wondering why there’s so much pressure on kids, there it is.’”

While McGrath said multiple factors can trigger anxiety, unrealistic expectations and a rigid idea of what defines success are common culprits.

While some high school students are well-suited for a rigorous curriculum, others suffer anxiety when they find themselves stumbling on the traditional college prep path.

Experts say that while these teens are often as bright as their peers on the honor roll, their talents and learning styles are a better match for alternative educational pathways that can reduce stress in the short term, and lead to rewarding and well-paying careers down the road.