Dad must work with ex to get more time with son

I believe my son would be better off with me. I did not see him much when he was very young — we had him when we were 17 and 18. He is now 7, and in the last year I have spent a lot of time with him. His mother parties way too much and posts herself getting drunk on Facebook. I’m going to court in two weeks to get full custody.

I don’t know your case personally, but let me explain what I think happened. This is not making a judgment, it’s an observation about what I’ve seen thousands of times. Two young people have a child. Dad isn’t ready and isn’t involved in the child’s life. Mom takes on most of the responsibility, often living with her parents until she gets on her feet. She meets someone who steps in as the father figure. Dad eventually meets someone else as well, has another child and realizes he should have been there. He contacts Mom, who doesn’t want him involved because her new significant other has stepped up. Sometimes the child isn’t told the mother’s significant other isn’t the biological parent, but we won’t address that here. Bottom line: Dad chases mom through court to get time with his child. If you have been seeing your son over the last year or so, then mom is open to you having a relationship with your son — which is excellent — but you have to work with her. Your son has lived with her his whole life and hopefully he’s doing well. You just got there in the last year. Unless mom is having trouble with substance abuse — strung out and child protective services are involved, DUIs, arrests — it’s doubtful a major change will be made. It may not be regarded as in the child’s best interest to change custody. Now, let’s address Facebook and Instagram posts. Mom? Get those posts off social media. Anything posted on social media is admissible in court. It’s legal to drink, but you don’t want that stuff out there. It’s ammunition in court if there is a custody battle. When your child is an adolescent and possibly has a Facebook page, he would see the behavior. Our job as parents if we drink is to demonstrate how to drink responsibly. Pictures on Facebook abusing alcohol do not teach a child to drink responsibly. Everyone needs to sit down and talk about what you both want for your child. Fighting will never get you the help you both need. Respect and compromise will. It’s going to take a change in mindset, but if you want to be an active parent in your child’s life, you have to work with mom, not against her.