I’m a very busy man, honey

A man in Kunshan, China, married three different women over a three-year period and settled them in apartments less than a halfmile from each other through his booming real estate company. He made more than a dozen trips back and forth between households each week, and explained his frequent absences by claiming that he was going on business trips. Now charged with polygamy, he says he will wind up with whichever wife forgives him when he gets out of jail.

REPEAT BUSINESS … Firefighters came to a bar in Rochester, N.Y., at 1 a.m. in response to a call about overcrowding only to be confronted by a 200-person brawl that spilled out into the parking lot. Cops from several towns had to come and rescue them. Officers had been called to that bar 28 times in the past two years for “fights, intoxicated patrons and general unruliness.”

HEY, I’M THE VICTIM HERE! … A man called the police emergency number in Buckinghamshire, England, to complain that “people are trying to steal my weed off me.”

BEST BIRTHDAY EVER! … A man celebrated his 66th birthday by attempting to hit three trucks with his vehicle, running them off the road near Moore, Utah, “mooning” other drivers and “flipping off” a police officer as he sped past him on the side of the road. He is charged with assault on a peace officer, three counts of aggravated assault, failing to stop for police and public lewdness.

SO I THOUGHT IT BEST TO JUST WAIT FOR YOU, OFFICER … A man rolled his car after roaring down the highway in Porter, Ind., at 100 mph and losing control of the vehicle. He told arresting officers that he had tried to run away from the crash but couldn’t because he was too drunk.

GREAT! I’LL BE RIGHT THERE … A drug dealer in Rotterdam, N.Y., got his phone numbers mixed up and accidentally texted a police detective — with whom he’d had “prior dealings” — with an offer to sell him some narcotics. The cop said, “Sure.”

SO, ARE WE GOOD? … A policeman on patrol in Forestbrook, S.C., very early in the morning happened upon a rather drunk and “slightly undressed” woman and a man in the back of an SUV. She crawled into the front seat and told the officer she wasn’t doing anything wrong, just having sex. There was cocaine in the vehicle, but both of them claimed it wasn’t theirs.

WAKEY, WAKEY, EGGS AND BAKEY … A man broke into a pickup truck inside the garage of a home in Memphis, Tenn., ate candy and drank eight beers that had been left inside, then spraypainted the truck’s interior and went to sleep. The homeowner discovered him the next morning.

I WANT EVERYONE TO LOOK AT ME, NOT HER … A woman refused to ask her childhood friend to be a bridesmaid at her wedding because she has “massive” breasts, and the bride-to-be did not want to be upstaged on her big day.