Ex needs to clean up his act
My husband is a slob. He always has been. We have two daughters (ages 14 and 16) who are meticulous neat freaks, possibly bordering on OCD. When we first separated and he moved his things out of the house, my daughters spent a long weekend cleaning the house and organizing it the way they like. I keep the house organized because it seems to help them stay happy and get their homework done (instead of focusing on cleaning, which they used to do).
They have recently started complaining about going on visitation because his house is always so dirty. He leaves dishes in the sink for days, never vacuums, only picks his clothes off the floor when he has nothing to wear, etc. I am not surprised as this is how he treated our home for years. I was getting ready to sign a final agreement but am starting to have second thoughts on the parenting plan given their complaints.
I thought about suggesting he just take the girls out for dinner on his week nights and then to the library to do their homework. But, last week when he came to pick them up, I walked out to the car to talk with him and was horrified. I could clearly see through the passenger window two pairs of women’s panties, a pair of nylons and a condom wrapper on the floor of the car. I lost it. I was not going to subject our teenagers to getting into a car like that and told him he could not take them until he could clean up his act, starting with his front seat.
Where do I go from here?
You go back to the drawing board. It is completely reasonable for you to say your daughters will not get in his car littered with panties, nylons and other “evidence.” If there is a temporary order in place and he does not agree to voluntarily change it, file a motion for a further temporary order requesting a change with a detailed affidavit of what you saw in his car at the time of pickup.
If this gets confrontational, you can ask the court to appoint an attorney for your children so they can have a say in the final parenting plan. If your kids really have an issue with neatness, spending time in his house might make them uncomfortable. But that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t see him at all.
As one of your daughters is 16, presumably she is learning to drive. Suggest your husband buy her a car so she can drive herself and her sister to public places to meet and spend time with him.
If his habits impact his ability to spend time with his children, maybe your husband will finally clean up his act. Wendy O. Hickey has since 19_94 been involved in and since 2003 been a trial lawyer who concentrates her practice on national and international family law. Any legal advice in this column is general in nature, and does not establish a lawyer-client relationship. Send questions to dearwendy@bostonherald.com.