What makes you think I need rehab!?

An 18-year-old woman who was being driven to a court-ordered drug and alcohol rehabilitation center in Florida jumped out of the car and stole a pickup truck. When a sheriff’s deputy spotted her and gave chase, she crashed the truck into a utility pole. She then tried to run away to no avail.

NOOOOOOO! … A man, who wanted to get away from his wife, robbed a bank in Kansas City, expecting to be sent to jail. He was sentenced to six months of home confinement.

UH, MA’AM, ARE THOSE CRUMBS ON YOUR CHIN? … A woman got a cake at the bakery section of a Walmart in Wichita Falls, Texas, then ate half of it as she walked through the aisles. When she got to the checkout, she tried to pay for only the half of it that she had not eaten. Police were summoned. She has been banned from the store.

YEAH, I’M DRUNK, WHADDAYA GONNA DO ABOUT IT!? … An Avon, N.Y., man, who was required not to drink alcohol as a condition of his probation, got drunk and called the police emergency line. A deputy went to his house and arrested him.

OH, AS LONG AS YOU HAD A GOOD REASON … A man was released after four months in the jail at Land O’ Lakes, Fla., and immediately went out into a restricted area of the parking lot, and tried to steal a car, attempting to enter 26 vehicles, all of which were locked. He told the cops who confronted him that he needed transportation.

THE ONE FLAW IN HIS PLAN … A man robbed a bank in Perth, Australia, at 3:35 in the afternoon, and fled in his getaway car, but was caught by police when he got stuck in rush-hour traffic.

DID I DO GOOD, MOMMY? … A 2-year-old girl in San Diego pressed the “Buy Now With 1-Click” button on the cellphone her mother had been browsing with, and ordered a $430 couch. By the time mom found out about it and tried to cancel the order, the couch was delivered right to her doorstep.

WHAT!? ME!? PAY!? I DON’T THINK SO! … A 42-year-old woman had three vodkas and a pepperoni pizza at the Manatee Island Bar and Grill in Port Salerno, Fla., and then said she had no money for the bill. Officers were waiting when she came out of the ladies’ room where she had peed her pants. She told them, “I just don’t feel like I should have to pay for it, ya’ know?” The cops begged to differ and charged her with defrauding an innkeeper.

OH, SORRY, I THOUGHT I WAS AT WORK … A man crashed his demolition derby car into another vehicle in Springwater, N.Y. Alas, this did not occur at a demolition derby event, but outside the man’s home.