You can hide location from ex – to an extent

I was in a very abusive relationship for a very long time. I finally left him when I learned, while hospitalized after he broke my arm and shoulder, that I was pregnant. I have a permanent restraining order against him from Florida. I never told him we have a child.

My daughter is starting kindergarten in September and I feel like I need to get a formal order giving me sole custody so there is no question about my ability to enroll her in school and make decisions for her.

I am very worried about filing anything that would give him any idea of where I live — I don’t think he even knows what state I am in. Is there a way to do this without disclosing to him where I live?

First of all, it is already July, I assume you have registered your daughter for kindergarten and no one has asked you for proof that you have legal custody. Because you were never married, according to Massachusetts law you have custody of your daughter without the need for a court order. If you want to have a piece of paper saying you have sole legal and physical custody, you can file an action to establish paternity. When you serve him, he will have to submit to a paternity test and, assuming the test establishes paternity, you can then ask the court to order you have sole legal and physical custody.

If you want to hide your address, you can do so to some extent. You will need to execute an Affidavit Disclosing Care and Custody Proceedings. That affidavit provides a second page where you can list an impounded residential address of the child. On the complaint form, leave your residential address blank. You will also need to file a motion with the court at the time of filing the complaint asking that your address be impounded. The motion needs to be signed under the motion under the pains and penalties of perjury stating all of the reasons why you want your address impounded. You should attach to the motion a copy of the restraining order issued by the court in Florida along with the affidavit you filed in Florida when you obtained the order. With this information, the judge can order your address impounded.

However, you will not be able to hide from your ex the state where you are currently living or the county. The heading on your paternity complaint will reflect both. The only benefit of filing a complaint for paternity is that you can get an order requiring him to pay child support. If you do not need the money, in this scenario you would be better off letting sleeping dogs lie.

Wendy O. Hickey has since 1994 been involved in and since 2003 been a trial lawyer who concentrates her practice on national and international family law. Any legal advice in this column is general in nature, and does not establish a lawyer-client relationship. Send questions to dearwendy@bostonherald.com.