No rules needed for smile and handshake

The dining room manager had a quick and unexpected answer when I mentioned to him that his wait staff was proficient in ignoring customers who had been seated and were ready to order.

“They are always looking straight ahead. They don’t even look at us,” I said as one waitress, then a waiter, then another waitress walked past us with not so much as a nod.

“The rule is …” he began, as I tried to wrap my mind around the fact that there is a rule for being friendly.

“The rule is,” he continued, “that if you are within 10 feet of the customer, he or she gets a smile and hello as you pass and if you are within five feet you get a greeting and handshake if you are standing or an offer to help if you are seated.”

As my sister-in-law used to say when confounded: “Really, now!?”

I did some research and found that there is a general business rule that 1 meter is the proper distance for initiating a handshake. A meter is 3.28 feet, close enough for a handshake without another step.

In Asian cultures, the distance is greater by half a meter. Conversely, in many Arab countries, the distance tends to be shorter — the distance that allows the breath of someone to be felt on another’s face.

I once worked with an advertising salesman who stood nose to nose, practically speaking, when talking with you. He was one of the best salesmen in his department, to everyone’s continuing astonishment. His secret? He had a perpetual smile.

The rules are silly and far from what the world needs in these days.

Two examples of proper greetings:

I was thrilled once when an acquaintance I had not seen in years called out my name in church and propelled himself against the traffic of an exiting congregation to greet me with a handshake and a hug.

One day years ago, Gov. Francis Sargent was visiting my office and asked about his old friend, Judge John Fenton, now deceased.

“He is in the hospital right now, governor,” I said.

“Well, let’s go see him,” said the governor. So all of us piled into the governor’s black car driven by a state trooper and went across town to visit Judge Fenton in Holy Family hospital.

Judge Fenton responded by getting out of bed and taking the governor around to every room on his floor, where each of the two prominent men shook everyone’s hand.

A greeting, a smile, a handshake, should not be ordained. It should be initiated with enthusiasm and a spirit of goodwill.

Wait staffs and others dealing with the public ought to make sure they notice customers, then look them in the eye.

It’s good for business, and just one way to change the world.