Biden can’t string two words together

He has a lot to say, only no one knows what he means

Hang in there, Sleepy Joe Biden – don’t let them muscle you out of the race for some Kennedy in-law like Andrew “Baby Doc” Cuomo.

You’re doing great, Joe! I don’t care what they say, you still the man.

Like his “Petticoat Junction” namesake, Uncle Joe may be movin’ kinda slow, but right about now, in all this doom and gloom, we need some comic relief.

These days Biden is not so much a modern real-life Walter Mitty or Forrest Gump, both of whom he’s been compared to.

Joe Biden is more like … Grandpa Simpson, a cartoon character babbling on incoherently.

Between naps, Biden has become a recurring character actor in the daily realityTV show that is the pandemic. In the morning — formerly early soap-opera hours — you have Cuomo, a ham actor of a politician, live from Albany. In the evening, the president’s daily newscast — no BS, just the facts, ma’am.

And in the midday comes the sitcom that is “Virtual” Joe, slack-jawed, vacanteyed, stumbling around his basement in Wilmington. Just seeing him materialize on your screen, you know the gaffetastic laff-fest from Delaware is about to resume. Norm Crosby is back in the house.

“The good news is the bad news. The good news the bad news is people know me. The good news is people know me.”

May we quote you on that, Mr. Vice President?

“We have to take care of the cure that will make the problem worse no matter what, no matter what.”

“What I’m suggesting is that I know what has to be done and that in the following is that faster is better than slower.”

Like the old Kurt Vonnegut character, Joe Biden has come unstuck in time. He’s now moved beyond his misremembered memories of President Franklin D. Roosevelt going on television in 1929. Just this week Biden has lectured us on history from “the turn of the last of the late 1800s” to right now — “the second quarter of the middle of the 21st century.”

It’s live TV, unscripted. That means ad-libbing, or as Ted Kennedy used to put it, ab-libbing. Compared to Biden, though, Teddy was Winston Churchill. Here’s Biden on the current incumbent, the man he’s called “Donald Hump.”

“Why doesn’t he just act like a president?” Pause. “That’s a stupid way to say it.” Longer pause. “Sorry.” (Interviewer tells him to go ahead.) “No. Probably best I don’t.”

Then he tries again to describe the president.

“It’s like watching a yoyo.” Pause, glassy-eyed stare. “I shouldn’t have said it that way.”

But Biden knows what must be provided in these perilous times — “a financial life lime for middle class folks.”

Not a life line, but a life “lime.”

And let’s not forget the kids either. As he told ABC — “I tell ya what, I’m so darn proud, those poor people who lost, uh — anyway — it’s just my heart goes out to them.”

Throw ‘em a life “lime,” Uncle Joe.

“You should not end up with some gigantic debt like my kids had when they graduated.”

Forget the college loans. Do you know how much Hunter Biden owed his crack dealers, all the rehab centers and detox facilities, not to mention the child support payments to his stripper baby mama? That’s why Hunter needed that $83,000-a-month gig with the shady Ukrainian naturalgas producer.

And now this, this national lockdown.

“No spring breaks, no year-end concerts … just as spring-break travel plans are approaching … It’s unnecessary for all of us but it’s necessary in fact.” Uncle Joe is the gift that keeps on giving. Fortunately, in his virtual town halls he has a revolving support crew of second bananas who are every bit as … talented … as he is. Jake Tapper, “The View,” and of course, Nicolle Wallace, “Republican” of MSNBC. This is how she bade him farewell the other day.

“Thank you for spending some time with us. We’re very grateful.”

Biden: “Well thank you. Any time, really, any time at all. Thank you very much Nicolle.”

MSNBC: “Thank you. Open invitation. Thank you very much, Mr. Vice President.”

Biden: “All right. Thank you so much.”

MSNBC: “Thank you. Thank you, sir. Thank you for spending so much time with us … .”

In closing, Uncle Joe, thanks for the memories. Even if you can’t remember them, or anything else, anymore. Thank you.

BIDEN FOR PRESIDENT GAFFE TRACK: Democratic presidential candidate former Vice President Joe Biden speaks during a virtual press briefing Wednesday. Biden’s increasing amount of gaffes has some questioning his viability despite his inside track on the Democratic nomination.

AP FILE WAITING IN THE WINGS? New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo speaks Tuesday at the Jacob Javits Center that will house a temporary hospital for the COVID-19 outbreak in New York. His effective dealing with the crisis has prompted a draft-Cuomo for president account on Twitter.