Can’t they both lose?
Hold your nose and vote – it’s the Markey-Kennedy race
It’s a very difficult choice in the Senate primary between Sen. Ed Markey and U.S. Rep. Joe Kennedy III.
On the one hand, you have the opportunity to end once and for all the sad, lackluster, below-average career of soon-to-be 74-year-old former ice-cream truck driver Ed Markey, also known as “Mr. Frosty.”
On the other hand, a defeat of JoJoJo Kennedy might end once and for all the so-called dynasty of the depraved clan that once fancied itself “America’s first family.”
Decisions, decisions … as I’ve said before, this fight is like the Iran-Iraq War.
Isn’t there some way they can both lose?
Even if you plan to vote for Republican candidate Kevin O’Connor in November, races like Markey-Kennedy
are why it pays not to register as anything in Massachusetts except “unenrolled.”
That way you can walk into the voting booth on Sept. 1 and take a ballot of whichever party you choose. If you’re officially a “D” or an “R” you don’t have that choice of primaries.
The best thing about being “unenrolled” is that it gives you two opportunities to vote against the most loathsome candidate in the field. Like buying a lottery ticket, mischief voting gives you a thrill — at least until the results come in that evening and you lose.
There are so many factors to consider here.
JoJoJo is a real Kennedy, although the fact that he’s never been either arrested or carted off for a stint or two in rehab means that the Kennedy genes (or more precisely, the Fitzgeralds’) have almost been bred out of him.
Markey, on the other hand, is what is known as a “K-mart Kennedy” — a member of one of those local B-list political families that have long fantasized about following in the real dynasty’s footsteps, apparently overlooking the fact that the Kennedys’ brief success 60 years ago had less to do with their alleged photogenic qualities than with Old Man Joe’s $500 million or whatever his fortune was worth back then.
To put it another way, JoJoJo’s quote could be: “Do you know who I am?”
Markey’s would be: “Do you know who I wish I was?” Namely, a Kennedy.
Like JFK with Teddy, Markey tried to get his brother to follow in his footsteps to Congress. It didn’t work out, just as it never does for any of the K-Mart Kennedys at any political level above city councilor or clerk of courts.
Let’s consider the matchups.
Residency: Eddie Markey hasn’t lived in Massachusetts since 1976. JoJoJo only moved out in 2012. Edge: Kennedy.
Television: Kennedy’s already running spots, Markey isn’t. Edge: Markey.
AOC: Endorsed Markey, didn’t endorse Kennedy.
Edge: Kennedy. Education: Markey, Malden Catholic, BC, BC Law. Kennedy, BB&N, Stanford, Harvard Law. Edge: Markey.
Globe endorsements: The bow-tied bum kissers are swooning over Markey, waving the pom-poms over his tepid debate performances, even visiting his “home” in Malden. Edge: Kennedy.
Coiffure: Kennedy: Richie Cunningham called and wants his Happy Days haircut back. Markey: The 70’s called and want their combover back. Edge: even.
Sports: In 2017, Markey went on the Senate floor after the Super Bowl and congratulated “the Boston Patriots.” JoJoJo knows that they’ve been the New England Patriots since 1971.
Edge: Kennedy.
The fake Indian: Endorsed Markey, didn’t endorse her former student Kennedy.
Edge: Kennedy. Patriotic moments: Markey: Left Old Glory on his floor porch. Kennedy: His dad set JoJoJo’s twin brother on fire with fireworks in Hyannis Port one Independence Day, another “traditional Kennedy family holiday.” Edge: even.
You can understand why Markey’s running for yet another six-year term, which would take him to age 80. If he loses the only thing he’s got to look forward to is the Early Bird Special.
As for JoJoJo, this is his upor-out moment. Whatever happens in the presidential election, both parties will be looking for new candidates in 2024. Unless you’re Donald Trump, you must at least be in the Senate to credibly run for president — ask Seth Moulton.
The fake Indian has no interest in the Senate, but unless Creepy Joe wins and throws her a sop, she’s going nowhere. If JoJoJo were to wait until 2024 to grab her seat (the “Kennedy” seat), by then Ayanna Pressley will probably demand it as part of… whatever. Who needs that kind of a headache?
Right now, this fight is a pick ‘em. Because it keeps coming back to the original question.
Isn’t there some way they can both lose?