When religion prohibits divorce
I can’t file for divorce — it is against my religion. But things at home are really bad. My husband disappears most weekends to his girlfriend’s house. He has recently begun taking our 3-year-old son with him, claiming he has the right to parent on weekends. I don’t know how to stop him. I have tried going out to run errands on Fridays when he usually leaves and taking Tommy with me but he just waits for us to get home even if it’s really late.
Last weekend Tommy came home talking about his “other mama.” I just can’t take it — she is not his other mama. My husband knows I will never file for divorce so he is going to just play house with this woman and destroy me and Tommy in the process. My pastor told me I need to just pray harder — I am trying but I feel I need to do more. Please tell me there is an option to make this stop that does not involve filing for divorce.
I suggest you immediately file a Complaint for Custody by Parent. You can either hire a lawyer to do this for you or represent yourself. If you want to do it yourself, there are forms on the trial court website that you can download and complete. Fill out the form to request sole physical custody — joint legal is OK. Bring that complaint along with an Affidavit Disclosing Care and Custody Proceedings, and certified copy of Tommy’s birth certificate to the court. I suggest you drop the forms off in person. The court will mail a summons and you will need to arrange to have your husband served by a constable or sheriff. If you represent yourself, be sure you can get to the mailbox first every day while waiting for the summons.
Also prepare and file a Motion for Temporary Orders. In your motion, state what has been happening on weekends and why you feel this is wrong. Also prepare an affidavit — a written statement of facts that you sign under the pains and penalties of perjury — to support your motion. And, prepare a proposed order to go with your motion asking that the judge award you sole physical custody of Tommy. Your husband can certainly spend time with Tommy at home when he chooses to be home. But, if he chooses to spend his time at his girlfriend’s home, Tommy stays with you.
Do not be surprised if your husband files for divorce in response. I do not know what your religion says about divorce if you are not the one to file. But, you should understand, if your husband files, you cannot prevent a divorce from entering on religious grounds. If you feel you cannot participate in the process, filing the complaint for custody is all the more important — the judge can consolidate the two actions and you can rest assured whatever actions you take are in connection with the custody action.