Dear Abby: Follow your instincts, right out the door

Dear Abby: I am a 41-yearold divorced woman. My two grown children live with their dad. I have been in a relationship with “Sir Talks-a-Lot” for 16 months. I feel like I love him, but I’m having lots of doubts. When I don’t see him, it doesn’t bother me. If I made a pros-and-cons list, there would be more cons than pros.

And he talks nonstop — about anything and everything. If he’s not texting me, he’s calling me. We don’t go on real dates; all we do is hang out or go out to grab a bite. He contradicts himself often, and if we argue, he is always the victim. He talks a good game, but I feel like it’s all talk. I have gotten flowers once in 16 months, and no holiday or birthday gifts. But his talk game is so good that I feel guilty for thinking about breaking things off. Is it me? Or am I just feeling suffocated? Please give me some advice.

— Confused in the Witch City Dear Confused: It’s not you, and stop feeling guilty. When someone’s actions don’t mirror what they say, it is a big red flag. You are being overdosed with “smother love,” which is really less about you and more about Sir Talks-a-Lot’s insecurity. He can’t let you have your space because he’s afraid that if he does, you will escape. It is important that you listen to your intuition, because it’s sending you an important message.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com