Dear Abby: Spat over money could kill 40-year friendship

Dear Abby: A friend of 40 years is always saying what she can’t afford, yet she owns property, has a 401(k), always finds additional work in her field and buys the cheapest groceries. She won’t spend a dime, even if it’s necessary.

In a recent text she was going on again about money. When I (jokingly) quipped, “You’re probably a millionaire by now!” she jumped on me as if I’d called her the B-word and went off on a rant. I was dumbfounded. I apologized because she felt I’d offended her by calling her a “millionaire.” When she didn’t respond, I left it alone. This morning I got a text from her as if nothing happened.

I’m no longer feeling like I’m her “friend.” Looking back, she was never a good hostess when I flew out of state to visit her. Nor has she ever treated me for lunch or dinner, although I was happy to treat her to lunch when she came to visit. I don’t feel the caring, generous, giving aspect that usually goes with long-term friendship. When she was down financially, I offered. I haven’t experienced the same from her. I feel shot down and ready to call it quits. Your expert advice is most appreciated and needed.

— Falling Out of Friendship Dear Out of Friendship: Before ending a 40-year friendship, please TELL this woman she hurt your feelings. Then ask why your casual comment triggered such a strong reaction. Her response to your reasonable question will tell you everything you need to know about whether your relationship is salvageable.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com.