Watching for ‘pattern’ can thwart possible domestic violence
Increase in abuse linked to high stress during pandemic
Domestic violence and partner abuse appears to have gotten worse during the pandemic, according to a UMass expert on trauma who is urging people to check in on loved ones by looking out for subtle warning signs.
“People who engage in the abuse of a partner aren’t always scary people — they might be very charming and manipulative of other people too,” said Dr. Jessica Griffin, executive director of the University of Massachusetts Medical School Child Trauma Training Center.
Griffin said signs of abuse might not always be overt, such as physical violence. There are often patterns of control, manipulation and jealousy that build over time.
“There’s usually a pattern and it may be a pattern that nobody knows about,” Griffin told the Herald.
She said some people may stay in abusive relationships due to fear or financial reasons, or may be gaslit by the abuser into thinking things in the relationship are normal.
People in a relationship can look out for red flags including controlling behavior, name-calling, physical aggression and pressure to do things that make one feel uncomfortable.
Rapid heart rate and feeling on edge or uncomfortable while around a partner are also often warning signs, as the body will exhibit signs of stress in dangerous situations, said Griffin.
Friends or family members can look out for signs such as isolation and withdrawal, or even putting on a show like everything in the relationship is great, according to Griffin, who has served as a relationship expert on television series including “Married at First Sight” and “Seven Year Switch.”
Griffin said there’s been an increase in abuse due to the pandemic as people are highly stressed and isolated from family and friends. She added that drug use has spiked during the pandemic, and that’s often linked to dating violence.
The recent high-profile case of 22-year-old woman Gabby Petito, whose remains were recently found in a Wyoming national park after traveling with her fiancé Brian Laundrie, has led many to think about partner abuse or violence, though no one faces criminal charges in her death currently.
“While we mourn the loss of Gabby, it also helps to raise awareness of so many missing indigenous women and women of color that are not necessarily getting the same attention,” Griffin said.
One in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner, according to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, and on a typical day, 20,000 phone calls are placed to domestic violence hotlines nationwide.
In Massachusetts, 34% of women and 32% of men experience domestic violence in their lifetime, according to NCADV.
Griffin said if someone is in an abusive relationship it can add more stress to tell them to leave their partner right away. Instead, she recommended creating a space for them to talk, expressing worry and directing them to resources.
The National Domestic Violence hotline can be reach via phone at 1-800799-SAFE (7233) or online at thehotline.org