Dear Abby: Hubby’s been in the driver’s seat for 30 years

Dear Abby: My husband and I have been married more than 30 years. We have a problem I cannot seem to get past: We didn’t have a church wedding because he threatened not to marry me if I demanded one. I went along with him because of my low self-esteem, and I’m still sad and angry about it. He also refuses to take vacations with me because he “traveled too much” during his career. What can I do?

— Pouting in the South Dear Pouting: Quit pouting over what you can’t change and assume some control over your life. Accept that because you had low self-esteem, you were willing to marry someone this controlling. Because you have a desire to travel and, I assume, can afford to, ask some of your women friends to join you. If you do, I’ll bet you’ll have a great time sending photos back to your hubby.

Dear Abby: I have been divorced from my ex for 36 years. Our son is now 44. My ex and I haven’t spoken since the divorce because it was ugly. Now that we are older, I’d like for my ex and I to be civil to each other. I wonder if it would make my son happy if his father and I were on better terms, so I have been thinking

of writing to my ex and asking if we could talk sometime. What do you think? — White Flag in the West

Dear White Flag: I see no harm in writing to your ex. But don’t expect a miracle. Do not expect him to react positively after more than three decades of icy silence. As to your son, whatever the situation has been for most of his life, he is used to it.